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Is my friend into guys? (Need help ASAP)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MeinKampfyChair, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. Hello all, I am new to the site. I hope this won't be too long to read but I will space it out to make things easier.

    Part I - Background:

    I am a bi guy in college, I love it here but my luck with guys just isn't up to par these days. I had a relationship for 10 months. Things have been kinda shitty in my love life, but suddenly, when I was with my best friend one night (Codename: Lee), one thing led to another and sparked some hope in me. I have known Lee for 2 years now, he is a regular student here, smokes tons of weed, drinks pretty much only with me. We share a lot of similar interests- Magic the Gathering, video games, humor, etc. Also has a lot of self conscious issues, and he talks to his ex gf a lot but he has assured me she is apparently just a hook up buddy now during the school year.

    Part II - Evidence:

    One night we got drunk and high together playing Magic, and I asked him to cuddle, he agreed. Which then lead to me making a move on him. We made out for about an hour, he left a hickey on me. Next day he tells his roommate (Codename: Kara), about the ordeal and was scared. I called that a relapse back into the closet because of the realization of what he truly did. I tried talking to him about it, but I was naive in what I said, which probably pushed him back in a bit more. The rest of the weekend we cuddled as well, only this time, he only let me have a good night kiss on the lips. That stopped after a few days and it led to only cuddling. He stated that he didn't want to do anything sexual with guys and cuddling was okay. Mind you, that the cuddling includes spooning, me kissing him on the neck and cheeks, and feeling him up above the belt. The only thing he disapproved of is when I made a move for the lips. Weeks have gone by now, and I have the strangest sense of loyalty towards him like I am in a relationships, so I delete all my apps and such, but silly me. I realized after that he might not be thinking the same way, so I started to become more wary of the reality of the situation. Around his roommates, he tends to dislike my touchy tendencies but at night in bed or on the couch, he doesn't mind them. However, around people, we flirt via eye contact, I try to scoop him (flick his nipples with my hand), or pretend to attempt tickling him. He doesn't like being tickled so I have fun with it. Just me being flirty. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Last weekend before I went home, we got drunk again and I offered to give him a massage, he took off his shirt and I gave him one, then he did it for me. It was really relaxing and nice. Yesterday was indeed interesting. After getting drunk and high again, we move into bed to cuddle. I notice something poking me, every other time he had been big spoon I never noticed it, but it was indeed his d*ck. I wanted to make sure, and it was an excuse for my hands to wander. I playfully touched his shoulder, hand, stomach, and watched his d*ck throb. Still...I touched it, it got worse. After a few seconds, he woke up from being turned on so much. I played it off like I wasn't doing it. A few hours later, I felt it again poking me, so I touched it again, he was more awake so he asked me if I was touching his d*ck. I playfully said yes, and he told me I could have asked which was kind of idiotic due to the nature of the question I would be asking. So I made a joke and we laughed it off. We still cuddled after, but what made me laugh was the fact he said he was having a lot of sex dreams which caused his boners. I found that hard to believe. We will be getting drunk again tonight, so more updates to come.

    Part III - Conclusion:

    So, what do you guys think? He says he is not into men, but I beg to differ. Let me know of your thoughts. Thanks!
     
  2. Kabuki

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    I don't think there is any doubt that he likes guys more than he wants to admit. He may be going through denial. It is very possible that after making out with you he became aware of his feelings, but even though he wishes to ignore them and play them off, he ends up doing certain things with you. So now, you have him going through the do I do it or not game towards you.

    My suggestion would be for you to help him out, in a subtle manner, because like you said, it might only backfire and make him go deeper to the closet. I'm sure others might give you a more insightful answer, but at least you get from me, that he indeed likes guys in someway. The question left without an answer is, is he gay, bi or pansexual.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    It could be that he is more comfortable with the idea of intimacy [with you] than he is prepared to admit and by refusing kissing on lips etc. he is trying to maintain some degree of control, . Maybe when you've had a few drinks/smokes the inhibitions slide?

    Does any of this mean he is bi/gay though? The only person who can really answer that question is your friend and I wouldn't push it or try to challenge him over it. Even if he is happy to be more intimate with you, doesn't mean he has strong feelings for guys more generally.

    Respect his boundaries, be patient and over time he may reveal more about his feelings and allow things to develop between you. It's by no means certain though and you need to be prepared for that.
     
  4. ABeautifulMind

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    I love reading these stories, they always sound so... romantic to me. Anyways, he is DEFINITELY not straight right now. He may just be curious and after some experimentation, later decide he isnt into guys though.

    He said you should have just asked? That would have sounded like a tempting proposal to me.

    As far as what you should do, nothing I would say. For now atleast. You said he freaked out. Give him some time to freak, maybe he is just trying to come to terms with himself. Just keep in doing what your doing. Maybe in a couple weeks he will be more comfortable.