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The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alone an

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by legitawesome17, Jul 11, 2014.

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  1. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Most gays out to family and friends are the really flamboyant ones. I observe that
    they're the most unapologetic to society about being gay. More power to them.
    Not anyone can be out like that.

    Unfortunately,they're not someone I'd date no matter how I try. I tried to be
    open minded and once went out with a flaming gay guy.I felt like I was dating
    a woman emotionally.I don't want to feel that way when I'm with men ever
    again.But IDK how to meet the guys I want who also happen to be my age
    (I'm 18 but I'd go for 2 years younger to 6 years older than me).I'm mostly
    attracted to "bros" who are just young men guys like me who just happen
    to be gay.Guys I can play soccer or workout with.

    But IDK where to start. Apps are sketchy. My friends are unable to
    help me look as like I said,masculine guys tend to stay closeted
    for prolonged time and blend in with their straight friends. Gay youth
    clubs in my city will be also mostly flaming guys.What do I do now?
    It gets pretty lonely seeing straight friends in relationships,but my type
    is my type and there is no ifs or buts.I can't help how I feel.
     
    #1 legitawesome17, Jul 11, 2014
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    Hi,

    First, let me correct a misperception: It's not a correct statement that most out gays are the flamboyant ones. On the contrary, if you look at the pool of gay men as a whole, the flamboyant ones are a minority. And therein lies the problem: There are plenty of gay guys who aren't flamboyant, but if you don't have really refined gaydar (which takes time and practice), then you'll never pick up on them, simply because they don't look or act much different than anyone else.

    Apps, clubs, and bars are generally a really terrible idea if you're looking for potential relationships. One of the most successful ideas is to find social gatherings for gay men, such as the sorts of things you see on Meetup.com (hiking groups, potluck groups, book clubs, board game groups, all focused on gay men or LGBT people.) They're common in larger cities like Vancouver and Toronto, but probably less so depending on where you are in Alberta.

    As for the gay youth groups, do you know for sure they'll be mostly flaming guys, or are you assuming? Some are, some are not. I will say that there tends to be a certain type that participates in the gay youth groups, and it may not be your type (probably has some similarities to a lot of the posters on EC) but the ones I've been to, without fail, have a bunch of really nice people at them.

    It's not easy when you're in an area that doesn't have a large gay population. So you either get creative and try and find the right person in your area... or perhaps consider moving to a larger city.
     
    #2 Chip, Jul 12, 2014
  3. arkemdis

    arkemdis Guest

    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    Make connections, go to those centers and engage yourself in the lgbt scene. Go to bear events perhaps?. The flamboyant ones also know other people you know. Just make gay friends to increase your chances.

    There is a lot of 'gay bros' but usually they are more tense about being gay than their flamboyant counterparts. So usually its harder to achieve a dating/couple status, rather than a fwb situation. Generalizing here, I am sure there are exceptions. But since you are in alberta, that's what I am seeing so far.

    Good luck.
     
    #3 arkemdis, Jul 12, 2014
  4. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    I'm from Calgary. Despite being a boom-town city
    and having a fair influx of people moving here from
    Ontario and BC due to jobs. There is nothing much
    for gays here.
     
    #4 legitawesome17, Jul 12, 2014
  5. zzzero

    zzzero
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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    Why not join a dating website? That's how I've met all of my boyfriends and even some friends. They're not flamboyant and neither am I. Most gay guys out there are just normal guys. You only notice the flamboyant guys because they are flamboyant and loud, but gay people have a wide spectrum, just like straight people do.

    I know it can feel like there's no one that's your type around, but part of the problem might also be the way you're precieving your attraction. I used to only like smooth, muscular, skinny guys, but as time has passed and I've met more gay people, my attractios have expanded (not changed). Now I don't mind hair, and I don't mind a little weight. You get less picky as you get older and the more types of guys you experience, the better you will understand what you really like and don't like.

    You may have met a flamboyant guy who felt more like a girl, but there are also flamboyant guys out there that are ultra masculine. Flamboyant doesn't always mean feminine.
     
    #5 zzzero, Jul 12, 2014
  6. arkemdis

    arkemdis Guest

    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    It can't be worse than Edmonton? lol. I had friends who told me they want to move to calgary cause its has a bigger gay scene.

    Just hit anything remotely LGBT there.
     
    #6 arkemdis, Jul 12, 2014
  7. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    I prefer guys my age/generation though,so bear events are out. It may seem like
    I am seeking a male model but im not. If I saw what I want on hundreds of straight men
    whos to say I wont find it on someone gay? I've actually been to a youth club for lgbt teens
    here,mostly fem lesbians and fem gay guys showed. IDK if I just went on the wrong day.
    IDK what to do anymore.
     
    #7 legitawesome17, Jul 12, 2014
  8. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    Since I'm 18 and of drinking age in Alberta,my only hope is the gay bars here.
    Unfortunately,gay bars are meat markets and I'm not looking for casual sex.
     
    #8 legitawesome17, Jul 12, 2014
  9. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    Any one else have ideas or tips ? I honestly don't know what to do anymore
     
    #9 legitawesome17, Jul 12, 2014
  10. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    What I would do is go to pride parade nd chat up with cute ,sensible and smart guys :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Rosepetal, Jul 12, 2014
  11. Anonymous

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    I can totally relate. The only lesbians I've ever seen open are the super masculine ones, which I'm not super into.
     
    #11 Anonymous, Jul 12, 2014
  12. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    There is gotta be a way to meet guys who are masculine, I don't know how to
    without the internet.

    I have lots of friends,none of them know gay men who are not camp or have any connections
    to anyone.
     
    #12 legitawesome17, Jul 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2014
  13. M22

    M22
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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    I think you need to be pretty open to meeting new people and you never know you might be surprised.
    I am gay, masculine, into sports like drinking beer playing video games etc and I know its difficult to find similar types. I have used a well know dating app where you click if you like or dislike people from there photo, I am meeting up with someone tomorrow from there and I too am not interested in sex and that's it, I want a relationship as well and the from what I gather the person im meeting is the same.
    Just go out there, meet new people and you never know what might happen.
     
    #13 M22, Jul 29, 2014
  14. legitawesome17

    legitawesome17 Guest

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    Re: The guys I like are either straight or severe closet cases? Help I'm feeling alon

    I don't know how to "get out there" correctly.

    I tried everything:mutual friends,youth clubs,apps etc

    Im not finding what im looking for that happens to be gay:frowning2:
     
    #14 legitawesome17, Jul 31, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2014
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