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My parents said I found a condition on their love

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by wanderingaround, Jul 12, 2014.

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  1. wanderingaround

    wanderingaround
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    My parents said I found a condition on their love, but they still want to talk about the weather.
    I've got myself in this gray area where I am still a part of my family, but any mention of my girlfriend upsets them. I came out a year and a half ago and they know my girlfriend exists, but won't meet her. They say things like, "Why are you doing this to us?, where are your family values?, and I can't believe you're willing to not be a part of this family."
    I keep subjecting myself to this hoping that one day I'll find the right thing to say and they'll be able to see me as a person again. It takes a few days to recover from seeing them and get my mind back to a place where I am a good human being.
    Now my girlfriend and I are engaged. We are SO HAPPY and have many friends and family who are happy for us as well. I haven't told my parents or siblings and it's been three months. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my family. If she's not welcome again at holidays then I won't be seeing my family. It makes me so sad. I wish they could see who I am.
    Can anyone relate or offer support? I would appreciate it. Thanks.
     
    #1 wanderingaround, Jul 12, 2014
  2. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    First of all, congratulations for getting engaged! That's so sweet!

    I can relate a little. My mother seems to go through this mourning phase whenever I bring my stuff up and my father doesn't acknowledge it at all. However, they seem to care about you. You're their kid, no matter how old or who you love, and they should know that.

    You're MARRIED. Does it really, truly matter that your spouse is another woman? Ask them that. Ask them why it's so wrong. Ask them why do they do this to you, and how you can't believe they aren't willing to love you for who you are.

    And, you mentioned you have family that support you and that it's been three months. Surely they have heard by now?

    In any case, if they haven't and you will have to tell them, I wish you the best of luck.
     
    #2 Nychthemeron, Jul 13, 2014
  3. Daroga

    Daroga
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    Firstly and most importantly, congratulations on the engagement! I really agree with Nychthemeron, you're going to be getting married, not your parents. They have already made their decision and now it's time for you to make yours. One day I will probably go down the same path, and it's not something that I am looking forward too. We don't criticize our parents for who they choose to love and marry, so why do they get to criticize our choices?
     
    #3 Daroga, Jul 13, 2014
  4. Clay

    Clay
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    Like the others said, congrats on getting engaged!

    As for your parents, you're not doing anything wrong. There's no reason to have people like that in your life, I'd go as far to say they're horrible people simply because they hate you for who you love. If they don't want to be a part of your life, cut them out.
     
    #4 Clay, Jul 13, 2014
  5. Lipstick Leuger

    Lipstick Leuger
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    Congrats!

    As for your parents, I have three kids myself, two young adults and one teen. Any parent that says they there are 'conditions' on their love for you has a HUGE problem. It's not you. It is them. Love for your children does not come with conditions, and if it does, you don't deserve to be a parent. Period.
     
    #5 Lipstick Leuger, Jul 13, 2014
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