My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. It's been 4 months since I topped him and only twice at that. When I would try to start something he shuts me down trying not to be a jerk about it. But now its been so long and its driving me crazy sexually and mentally. Im verse/bottom and really want a guy to be verse/top. But this is tough because I don't like the feeling of not being in control in the relationship, which I feel the sexual role unfortunately seems to define. Beyond that, I just rally want to top him. When I talked to him about it, he was sensitive about it of course. I don't think I got a clear answer from him but it seemed like he just wasn't into it anymore. And that he feels he needs to get clean right before. But what bothers me is that he's not craving it. He's not getting cleaned and wanting to be topped. And that makes me feel unsexy and rejected. What do you guys think? I know I need to talk to him about it but at the same time, I think he'll just let me know when he's ready and might not know the reason why yet. It just makes me feel insecure and super horny.
for men i think real straight talk needs to happen before any relationships get started to avoid this type of situation for instance, "i am a versatile which means, i like to bottom and i also like to top. for me to be in a relationship with someone i need to be able to do both regularly. is this something that would work for you. if you almost never like to be a bottom, then this will not work". see how direct that is. for your situation now that you're already into the relationship, a similar approach of being direct will work. for instance: "hi, i wanted to talk about our sex life. when we first started dating, i mentioned that i was versatile and needed to top and bottom to feel fulfilled. i have noticed that you've been uninterested in bottoming. is that because you really do not like it very much or is it because when we have done it before, it has not been pleasurable to you? possibly there is something i can do to make it feel better for you. just let me know if a different position will help or something and we can try it. if there's something about me that is making it bad (maybe i'm too big, maybe i'm too small for you....) do not feel ashamed to tell me, open dialogue is great and i will not get offended. but we do need to discuss this so we can have an open dialogue relationship".
I'll definitely use your advice! I'm meeting this guy and ... I'm still not sure but I suspect he only likes bottoming. I don't know if he likes it more than topping or if he ONLY likes it, I'll find out sooner or later I guess :icon_bigg:icon_bigg I'll have that "direct talk" before I think we are both getting too commited, if that ever happens of course.
that is good you will use it. sometimes people think you are being promiscuous or slutty by asking about the sexual position. i do agree that it is not somehting you need to ask on the first date, but if you start to become interested in someone and you think they are starting to become intterested in you and if you think sex is something you want in a relationship with this person. its ok to say it like i suggested above. you can even say "i hope you do not get the wrong impression because i am interested in getting to know you and just not looking for sex, but if we ultimately start really liking each other and that leads to maybe a relationship over time, i just think it's best to be upfront with what we both really like so we do not ultimately waste each other time if we are not sexually compatible". i think any reasonable person would understand it if you mention it this way.
Well, pfft. A relationship's all about communication and if you don't feel comfortable making your preferences known or having an honest dialogue, what's the point? In fact, my boyfriend's someone who's never really liked bottoming but we've talked and because at some point I'd like to top, he's willing to give it a shot so long as it's something we take slow. No one's a mindreader, even if they're having sex or dating someone. And until you're willing to broach the topic, you can't guarantee this is something he'll bring up.
While communication is a central aspect of any relationship, it seems clear from the opening post of this thread that Mathem has indeed spoken to his partner about his desires on numerous occasions. Keeping that in mind, there isn't much more that can be done in situations such as these. Although you might be versatile, it is always important to remember that you will come across a number of men in this world who are not. If you happen to be someone who feels that they must have both experiences in their sexual life to be satisfied, then it is important that you question the willingness of your future partners to do the same; however, it is not fair to pressure a partner who is not comfortable with a certain sexual act or role into aligning with your personal desires. Considering that he has given it multiple chances and still doesn't appear to be enjoying it, the time has come to decide whether not engaging in that specific act is something that you are willing to sacrifice.
