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Kind of jealous of my gay friends...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Greeley, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. Greeley

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    Hey hey!

    So i thought it would make a thread here and get some advice....
    This might be long, i'm not sure yet.... I do like to go into detail.

    So before i even came out i was talking to this guy on the internet (Lets call this guy "J"), we got very close, i got his number, we were texting all day every day laughing at random shit and we kind of sort of fell for each other. The problem was, nothing was going to happen with us because J lived a good 3 hour drive from me.... And that is just too far.

    Anyway, i finally came out to my friends with the help of J giving me the courage to do it. He was great with me, i told him how my friends reacted and it was awesome. He said that now that i'm "free" he doesn't want me to feel like he is keeping me back so if i find someone i like, go for it. I told him that i'll most likely being looking for someone like him and that would be hard.

    Anyway, a month later after that, i met my current boyfriend and we immediately hit it off but i was kind of nervous to tell J. In the end i told him and he was so happy for me but also kind of relieved because he had a date the same day that i have my date! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! We were both happy for each other!

    A few more months down the line, J is finally in a relationship with the guy and i am happily in my relationship. But the problem is, J's boyfriend is very much like him and me. He's into the internet like i am (tumblr, memes, ect..) and its to be expected me and J don't nearly talk as much. His boyfriend is really nice and kind and i even have him that i text and we've kind of become friends as well so obviously i'm happy for both of them.

    I told my boyfriend about how close i was to J before i met him and he was a bit iffy about it at first but he learned that we're just friends now. But my boyfriend really doesn't like the internet that much. He uses it a lot and he likes to do his own thing but not the same way that me, J and his boyfriend do. On tumblr i see posts of J and his bf doing adorable things together, videos, gifs, pictures and everybody loves them for it and i kind of wanted that myself but i know for a fact my bf would hate that before he really isn't into that type of thing. And me and my bf kind of hit a rock at one point about how i post selfies on tumblr (nothing nude or even slightly arousing) and he said he didn't like it and nearly made me choose tumblr or him.... But after a day or two he realised he was being stupid and was really apologetic

    So i can't help but feel jealous of J and his bf because they are both so open with the whole tumblr thing and being open and having fun on it and seeing the harmless side....

    So i just want some advise really on what i should do and how you guys see it....
     
  2. ABeautifulMind

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    My first question, because it wasnt real clear, is you bf out to everyone? Is that why he has issues with being on tumblr?
     
  3. Greeley

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    Yeah, my boyfriend is out to EVERYONE.
    He was out when he was 16 and doesn't care what people think and he doesn't hesitate in telling people. So that is no problem for him.

    I suppose posting pictures on tumblr is kind of "attention seeking" in a way because everybody does it for notes and it feels good when people reblog/like your face and everything. And hes just not that type of person i guess... He just doesn't seem to like it which is fine if he doesn't want to do it himself but yet i feel bad if i do it because i know he doesn't like me doing it but doesn't want to control me. Its really hard and i guess i'm just jealous of J and his BF because they are completely fine with it. they kind of spur each other on in fact and they get loads of people loving them.
     
  4. Greeley

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    Sorry, hope this doesnt effect anyone but anybody else go any opinions?
     
  5. Budweiser

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    People only show (especially, post) what they want others to see. Ever notice how your facebook friends all have glamorous, bustling relationships and social lives? Your friends here probably have just as much in their lives to NOT be jealous of as they do cute pictures.
     
  6. Greeley

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    That is a pretty good way of looking at it!
    Thanks, i've seen it in a different light a bit now haha.
     
  7. tulipinacup

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    I think you want a relationship that is a lot like J's relationship where you share posts on tumblr, etc. I feel like you want to show your followers( including J and his bf) on tumblr on who you are in a relationship with and just to show how you guys are sweet or happy together, I understand that but you also have to realise that your bf is probably someone who prefers to not be part of this "social media limelight". Maybe it's best to focus on your relationship with your boyfriend than trying to compare with J's relationship because the fact that you guys are very mutual when it comes to interests doesn't mean that your boyfriends are the same as well in terms of personality or hobbies but that's really just my rambling opinion lol
     
  8. greatwhale

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    Budweiser's point above is worth noting.

    I don't know why but it is a very human trait to see the grass on the other side of the fence as greener. Yes, indeed, relationships that are public and mediated, i.e. whose image is essentially controlled by those who put it out there can't be trusted as being entirely truthful.

    It is nevertheless a good thing to have a relationship as part of a community, but it should be a community of real people, in your immediate vicinity if possible, who know both the good and the less good parts of who you both are. Yes, online you may get nice comments and everybody would love you for it, but they would love your images, the selected snippets of your lives together, not the reality. The internet is a network of connections between partial selves, not whole human beings.

    That said, it is obvious that you love each other, and part of being in a relationship is to challenge each other from time to time to try new things, this is always easier if you also both trust each other. He may have different values about public display than you may have, so explore those with him, try to get to why he refuses.

    The best part of love is meeting each other halfway; giving and taking. Why not tell him how you feel, and how you wish you could, at least a little, celebrate your relationship as you would like, which is what I'm hearing from your post. Address his fears, discuss it and find a compromise that you can both live with, do this often as the situation will no doubt evolve, he may learn to like it a little, or not, but in either case, your relationship will have been strengthened from the effort at communication and understanding.