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Does he want a relationship or am I blind?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by B733, Jul 15, 2014.

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  1. B733

    B733
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    Here's the story. I met up with someone on an app starting with G. I downloaded it with the intention of meeting someone to share a relationship with, not a random hookup.

    After chatting for some 6 months, we finally met. We made out. We have common interests and we seem to enjoy each other's company.

    Problem is, he keeps using the app. I asked him what he's been looking for on the app and he got flustered and asked "why do you keep asking me that?" After some further probing, he said that it was only for "chats, mates and chills".

    Am I wrong to want something more from this relationship? It seems like he doesn't want to be tied down to a relationship.

    For me, that's a problem. I like him. I invest a lot of time and energy into relationships and I value monogamous relationships. I don't know if this is the right one.
     
    #1 B733, Jul 15, 2014
  2. newkidaround

    newkidaround
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    Hi, B733. No, you are not "wrong" to want something more from the relationship. However, that doesn't mean he is "wrong" either. It just seems like you may want two different things. It sounds like you want a relationship and he may have just been looking for a hookup or friends-with-benefits type situation. All you can do is tell him. Tell him that you are looking for a monogamous relationship. If he says no, then you can either move on or, if you really do like him as a friend, then accept him as he is and deal with it.

    I will say, too, that I believe that using those apps or going to craigslist personals and things like that can be quite addicting. People who use it can't seem to stop...they always want to find someone new...it's like an adrenaline rush...the thrill of something new, along with the thought that maybe the grass is greener on the other side and that maybe the next guy will be better, and then the next, then the next, etc. Having said that, I have met many friends online that way but I wasn't heavily emotionally invested. Technology is good for some things, of course, but some people really do get addicted.

    Anyway, I hope that helps a little.
     
    #2 newkidaround, Jul 15, 2014
  3. jonnemack

    jonnemack
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    I beg to differ from "newkidaroud", in some points, of the first paragraph specifically.

    You are wrong to want something more from him because he clearly doesn't want that from you. BECAUSE of what was said in the second paragraph, you should stop, right there. Do not waste your time and do not get frustrated. End this if it is not what you're looking for.
     
    #3 jonnemack, Jul 15, 2014
  4. B733

    B733
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    I don't think that it would be possible for me to keep him as a friend. I invest a lot in my friendships/relationships. Once my foot is in it, I don't leave. I've told him that I'm really after a monogamous relationship, not friends with benefits. He didn't respond. By that, I've assumed, on account of his silence, that he really is simply after casual sex.

    Why is this such a problem within the gay community? People seem to justify it saying that because gays are more *open*, casual sexual relationships are fine. I hate the fact that sex is now merely a handshake amongst gays. No wonder we get such a bad rap.
     
    #4 B733, Jul 15, 2014
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