Just created an account, Hello everyone. I'm hoping to hopefully get over this slump by trying to talk about it and accept it. So here is my story Last year I had just broke up with my long distance boyfriend after 3 years. He stated that he didnt see himself with another guy in the future. He wanted a wife and kids. So I was devastated. Because I was in the closet, I panicked. I just wanted to meet guys on my own terms, I'm not a huge bar person, or club person so I signed up for *******. I binged dated about 12 other guys, each one being awful in their own unique way. I did that for about 6 months until I finally came across him. Ryan Ryan lived in missouri, and I lived in chicago. As I stated I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and there was no way I wanted to do that again. So After a month of late night talks and video games, I packed my stuff and said "I want to be with you". I dropped all my friends, my job, and my family. I had been so depressed for so long I was so excited to finally be with someone again. There was a huge culture shock, Ryan lived in a college town and was very social. He was also super open with his bi-sexuality as well. So everyone I met from that point on knew I was gay. It was scary but empowering at the same time. I eventually ended up talking to his friends more than my own. They understood the person I am today, not the person I was back in highschool. As time went on Ryan's heavy drinking and partying began to take a toll. Although Ryan was open about his sexuality to his friends. He wasn't so confident in public, we displayed no affection outside his house. This wasn't a problem in the beginning, but because how often we went out. I started to feel like I was not even dating anyone. I was just a glorified cuddle buddy at night. When Ryan got drunk every other night, He would forget me in public settings completely. He wouldn't look at me or talk to me. When I tried to include myself, He would reject it, and become belligerent. The problem was, I like to talk about issues. Because Ryan was in a drunken state for most of these event, he could not remember saying mean things to me. So ideally he never really apologized because he "didn't mean it". Eventually I became more depressed as we went out more and nothing ever got resolved. I stuck around hoping that maybe he'd change, at least slightly. Last week, after he splashed water in my face while I was talking, I finally got fed up and called him out. Sure enough, he said "I have problems" and "I dont want a relationship". Mind you I was in missouri away from any immediate support. I called my dad to pick me up and finally came out to him. My dad did not respond negatively but he didnt respond positively either, he just insisted I was "confused". After being away from home for 9 months and being around people that knew what and who I really am has made this experience awful. I no longer reciprocate to my old friends as I did 9 months ago, I feel trapped, scared and alone. Although I keep in contact with his friends, It's hard to hear that the breakup didnt effect him at all. If anyone has wise words of wisdom/comfort . Let me know
Welcome to EC, mate. (*hug*) I'm really sorry to hear about all you've been through, especially your last relationship. It sounds like, while he was great at first, Ryan might've not been the guy you thought he was. The first thing that we should focus on is you. I assume you're back in Chicago now? Are you with your parents? Have you talked to your friends at all? Do you feel like you can't come out to them? I think you should try coming out to your old friends. You experienced how awesome it is to be out to people; how comforting it is to be accepted. I can imagine it's incredibly shitty to go from being out to back in the closet, so why not try to come out to them? If they don't accept you, you can make some new friends who will accept you. As for your dad's reaction - have you talked to him about it at all since then? It's very natural for parents to reject the idea at first, but I'm hopeful because he didn't say anything negative to you. It's important that you don't just let this drop. You tried coming out to him and he didn't show acceptance. If you don't bring it up again, he may just try to forget about it and you won't make any progress when you bring it up again. If you want to talk about this more in-depth, let me know. Lastly - Ryan. Have you talked to him at all? I'm absolutely not suggesting that you try to re-kindle your relationship, but I think it might give you some closure if you talk to him about his 'problems' and why he felt the way he did about your relationship. If you wanna talk about anything one-on-one, feel free to hit my PM up. Otherwise, I'll check back on this thread.
