A 13 year old has fallen in love with me.

Apparently my tightrope walk between childhood and adulthood wasn't bad enough...

Last month, I moved from Atlanta to north Georgia. I immidiately met another girl. She is 13 years old. We both share a love for Pokemon and MLP:FiM. She originally thought I was 14 years old and was shocked when I told her I was 17. Despite this, we get along awesomely.

While on a trip to Wal-Mart, I decided to come out to her. She was awesome about it. The next time we go to Wal-Mart, she tells me she thinks she's also gay. I asked her if she felt more comfortable with the idea of kissing and hugging boys or girls (she hasn't had the "Sex Talk" yet, so I didn't get into anything dirty), and she said girls. She used to have a "boyfriend," but it didn't last long. She told me she was afraid of her mom finding out, and if her dad was still alive, he would tell her she can't be both gay and Christian.

Later on, she told me she has a massive crush on me. I responded with "That's so cute!" (by that, I meant Hello Kitty 'cute', not romantic 'cute') I told her that I'm the kind of person who has to know another person for a long period of time before developing those feelings (some people call that "demiromantic," while I just call that "being human"). And, or course, we were both well aware of the age gap. If we were in our 20's, I wouldn't make it as big of a deal, but let's be real. A 17 year old dating a 13 year old is just plain creepy, not to mention unhealthy. She's turning 14 in September, but that doesn't really make it any less creepy. I told her we can stay friends, and once we're both older, I'll consider it. She was so happy, and she started talking about how the wait will be worth it.

I feel like a monster. While the age gap is the most obvious reason as to why we aren't dating, there are other ones as well.

1) She's a Christian, and I'm an agnostic. I don't think I could handle dating a non-secualar person. I don't hate Christians (not all of them, anyway), I just don't like the idea of dating someone with religious beliefs (there are plenty of Christians who won't date non-Christians, and that doesn't offend me in the slightest).

2) I have needs (some are very sexual, although I'm willing to wait for a long-term relationship to satisfiy those).

3) Whenever she sees the "s-word," she freaks out. Like I said, she's never had the talk, so I highly doubt she's asexual or anything like that. I was the same way when I was her age, so I can't really blame her.

4) I tend to curse (as Kat 5 would say) "like a rapping sailor," while she's so against cursing that she feels the need to pray whenever she accidentally curses. I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with someone like that.

5) She wants kids. This is a pretty huge deal-breaker. I have no interest in having children at all whatsoever. I haven't told her that I'm child-free yet, but I'll have to bring it up eventually.

I feel like a monster because I know EXACTLY how it feels to love someone who doesn't love you back.

Crying yourself to sleep every night/planning to get 70 cats in order to fill the void/extreme envy of couples you see in public and the media/avoiding the person who rejected your love in fear of bothering them... you know what I mean.

I know she'll have to get her heart broken, but I should at least let her down in the easiest/most gentle way possible. Any advice?

 

The whole thing makes me feel very guilty. I'm the only person she's come out to, so it feels like I'm pushing her back in the closet. She wants me to date her when we're older, but I just don't see it happening. I love her to pieces, but my love for her is completely platonic.

I don't even know how to tell her. I want to tell my parents, but they'll probably put the blame on me since I'm older. Plus, they don't like it when I come out to too many people, and she made me promise not to tell them.

 

Somewhere in the middle, I guess...?

Thank you. (*hug*)

 

I basically said "That's so cute!," but I said it in that way.

 

While I agree that it usually depends, I can't say the same for this situation. She's in middle school, while I'm almost done with high school. By the time she starts high school, I'll most likely be in college.

A 13 year old dating a 17 year old would definitely be unhealthy, at least in the mental sense.

---------- Post added 19th Jul 2014 at 05:53 PM ----------

Nope. I'm too nice. I just recently was rejected by my best friend, and I don't want her to feel as bad as I do.

 

Well, mentally speaking, I'm a young adult, and I'll be 18 in half a year. She doesn't even know what sex is yet. And, as you said before, I'm almost done with puberty, while she's just starting it. Puberty impacts people not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

If it was a 14 year old girl wanting to date an 18 year old man, I don't think everyone would be as open-minded about this situation.

---------- Post added 19th Jul 2014 at 06:09 PM ----------

I agree. I just don't know how to tell her. I want to tell my parents, but she made me promise not to tell them. I have another neighbor I can probably talk to...