Sick of my Friends

I am just so sick of my friends. I sound like a whiny teenager, I know. I just need to type this.

So I have "lost" one of my closet friends, pretty much her mum does not approve of some of her other friends and so she had banned her from seeing all of us and she moved schools at the start of this term. It is hard for all of us and I feels like she has died, we only got to say goodbye by chance.

My oldest friend doesn't trust me for some reason and never listens to me. She also always yells at me and just pushes me aside in a way. I try to tell her not to say certain things that are or sound homophobic and she yells at me for accusing her of false things. I want to tell her that I am not straight but we have to share a tent for a school camp at the end of the year so I don't want her to be all weird about it. Also last year she said that she was under stress heaps so I told her to see a counselor at school and she got mad at me for calling her mental or something.

To my friends I am the 'crazy' one. I go along with this because what else can I do? It also hurts because I am always happy according to them, just because I am smiling doesn't mean I am happy. I have tried to hint at or even tell them that I have anxiety easily, they either joke or treat me like I am not capable of things. I told one of my friends my fears and her said something about how we went out as a group and that I didn't have to go if it was too stressful. Even thought he knew how much I wanted to go.

I am constantly left out of things after school, they don't even bother inviting me any more because most of the time I can't go because my dad is at work (I have lots of little siblings) or my mum doesn't want me to go.

I can't tell my friends anything anymore and that seems half of the problem. The friend I could tell these things too and was has gone.

I have lots of other friends that I don't have a problem with but we are not as close as the other friends I have mentioned.

I am also a crappy friend because I get over-emotional, frustrated, annoyed and just overly stressed most of the time. I want to be a better friend but I just don't know how.

I think it is me, so I need to change for the better.