The adventure of coming out and the dullness of relationships

I came out about four years ago when I moved to a new city, away from the conservative religious American South where I had grown up.

Growing up in a religious area we viewed the world as very much 'us' and 'them'. Everyone who wasn't middle class evangelical Christian was part of the 'world' and this coloured every relationship (platonic, family, friendship, etc.) I had with people until my early 20's.

When I came out, I lost my faith and this outlook. Not only did I discover an entire gay world but I discovered an entire world! I felt like for years I had been living with my head in the sand, refusing to connect in any meaningful way with anyone who was different from me. When I lost my faith, I suddenly discovered the beauty and amazingness of getting to know people from every diverse background.

I threw myself into this, I travelled as much as I could, I joined clubs and societies that I wouldn't have before, and basically said yes to everything (within reason of course - eg. no drugs) because it could bring some new and exciting experience with new and interesting people. The best experience in the world was travelling alone to a foreign city, not knowing anybody but a world of possibilities.

Coming out was a bit like discovering Narnia.

The problem is every time I find myself in a relationship I feel like this 'adventure' kind of stagnates and then I get kind of bored. I just feel so restricted and held back. It's not a sexual thing, I'm not a big one night stand kind of guy and I'm not into open relationships. My friends think I get bored with people easily and that at the age of 26 I should settle down with someone, but I want to keep exploring. I'm really worried that I'm incapable of being in a longterm relationship with someone though.

 

That is good advice, the difficulty being that people who are up for new adventures generally disappear/move away to go have adventures!

I think the problem is I'm pretty very back, by adventures for me that generally means throwing myself into a new experience/place that's outside my comfort zone and waiting for things to happen (things always happen). That is, apart from making myself available to the opportunity I don't really make things happen.

So I think I end up in relationships with people because it's new and very exciting at first, meeting someone new, being intimate (emotionally speaking) with someone new, but then when they want to go to the movie theatre three times a month I just go along with it, then I get bored.

I suppose I need to start making things happen in relationships as well! I mean, when I'm not dating I usually go to the movies twice a year, when I am dating it feels like at least twice a month just because it seems to be the go-to thing to do. Things like that I think I need to start being more firm on, and if it works out then great, if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.