Do you try and block your feelings for a friend????

I was texting a friend who knows a lot of stuff about me. Her and I text whenever we feel like it. She will text me when she is struggling with something and I will do the same. We talk and she will surprise me and show up. We have known one another for about 2 years. Its strange because she was the one who approached me. Before people would jokingly call her my stalker, but she has been a really good friend so people gave up on that name. Heck people even say hello to her and know she is there to see me. I realize at times that when she brings up boyfriends I wish I was that person-I sort of have to hide the fact that I get jealous. She has mentioned about hanging out and well I bailed on her because I got nervous. She got hella pissed and confronted me about it asking why I was avoiding her phones calls and such. Afterwards she was fine, even though I didn't admit the true reason why I was avoiding her....which was because I was growing feelings for her and noticed it when she wanted me to ask a guy friend of mine to give her his number. Anyways, she recently gave me a book and I read that damn book so quickly and as I was reading it I realized she made notes in it for me. She said I needed to start worrying about how I feel rather than what others feel-I care too much about doing the wrong thing which makes me feel oblivious at times. Anyways, it brightened my day when she took the time to do that. She tells me to do what I feel I should do and really I just want to tell her how much I care about her a lot. I am just scared she will reject me like someone else did in my past. At times I feel like I like another person, but in a way I feel I am trying to block away the feelings I have for her.

When I came out to her (she said she didn't have a clue), but admitted that she was bi curious and all. I just described to her how I really have to care for someone when it comes to being with someone in that way and well its true. The issue is everything I described in the person I would like is everything she is.....I am scared she will realize that... Another issue is she is younger than me 18 and I am 24-I feel freaken old....it isn't me seeing it as an issue, but rather her possibly rejecting me.