My girlfriend moved in with me after a bad fallout with her friend. She is an amazing girlfriend and everything. When it comes to putting clothes in the dirty clothes hamper, or making the bed, she really doesn't do it. I am not a neat pin but I also don't like mess much and I'm definitely not a dirty person. Why is it that some people are okay with mess but others aren't? What contributes to that?
Different people have different tolerances for messiness, the messier ones among us are not "worse" than the neater people, just a different set point for order/disorder. People who choose to live together need to discuss this, as it can be an issue of constant irritation (communication, communication, communication!!!). The best compromises I am familiar with (because it's hard to change people's values) is to allow "the mess" but only in certain prescribed areas that you both agree upon. For example, if she is open to compromise, she will drop her clothes on the floor near her side of the bed, with the reasonable expectation that when it becomes an unmanageable pile (or she needs underwear!) she will pitch in with the laundry. It would be useful also to pencil in a regular monthly meeting to see how this is going, and to make adjustments as necessary. Use this occasion to become closer...by communicating your needs, you are inadvertently creating a stronger bond, so don't see this talk as a chore, see it rather as an opportunity to make your friendship stronger!
Yes, communication... another compromise might be different tasks... one person cleans away the clothing, the other does most of the cooking etc. Often people have different preferences here...
