From my experience, direct and indirect, the great majority of people seem to condemn the notion of having romantic and/or sexual encounters with individuals other than one's primary partner, suggesting that such behaviour implies betrayal of the said partner. That ties in with how the practice is called "infidelity" (unfaithfulness). However, I don't really understand the logic behind this and I would like to gain insight into how those people analyse the issue. The way I see it, relationships on the side can only be regarded as betrayal if they are kept secret from the primary partner, but in that case, the betrayal wouldn't be the additional relationships but the lying, which is an altogether different matter. However, if the partner knew about these relationships, I don't see what the reasons for opposing them would be. Why does it have to be that one has to be fully devoted to that one partner? How do additional partners destroy the relationship with the primary one? Can't one be in love with the main partner but still "have fun" with others? It seems somehow unreasonably possessive to forbid one's partner to date others. Personally, I would be strictly monogamous as well - if I'm with the guy I'm in love with, I wouldn't be interested in anyone else whatsoever. I would kind of enjoy the notion that I am only committed to him, i.e. that he's the only for me, due to sentimental reasons - I would feel more intimate with him that way. I find the notion of such exclusive devotion rather romantic. However, I don't think that I would be hurt if he had occasional encounters with someone else. I would be hurt if he stopped caring for me or if we couldn't spend enough time together because of his other partner(s), but if I knew that he's still in love with me and if he only spent minimal time with those others, I think I would be fine with it (however, I think I would also feel upset if he's in love with me and someone else at the same time, if that's even possible). Thus, it seems odd to me to leave one's boyfriend because he had a one night stand while drunk, or something such. I'm not saying I have anything against those who would - I'm just trying to understand their reasoning. So, I am missing something? I have never had any sort of relationship, so I can't really speak from personal experience, but analysing the topic at a distance, this is what I've come up with. How do you feel about the issue? What are your views on the value monogamy?
Well if someone is sleeping around it's basically using you. I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me, not someone who wants all the benefits of being in a relationship without valuing the commitment it entails. There's a lot to a relationship, if you don't care about giving it your all to one of the most intimate parts of it then break up.
I (personally) wouldnt mind my partner to have sexual relationships with others. Especially because I don't like to have sex? So he has to have that release somehow. But I wouldn't mind only if he still cared and loved me more than everyone else. In my mind its almost the same as people shouldn't freak out if they go out to hang with friends without their other or if they watch porn. Just because you're not with somone dosnt mean you don't love them.
By definition, infidelity is the action of being unfaithful to a partner. The relationship that your are referring to would be categorized as an open or polyamorous relationship. Parties in those relationships have mutually agreed that they are comfortable with their partner being active outside of the relationship. In the case of infidelity, that liberty was never agreed upon. There are many people who forgive based on the circumstances of the affair and many who won't. Personally, I would feel that my trust was no less violated than if he were sober. Alcohol doesn't free others from their morals and responsibilities.
I agree. And to show someone you truly love them, that means you commit your lives to the other person, a selfless act, not sleeping around with others, which is a selfish act. If you want to sleep around then don't get into a relationship as it is unfair to the other person.
If you want a poly relationship it should be fine as long as everyone in the relationship knows ; Monogamy should be for those who want it and those that want poly relationships should enjoy them and have them .
Thank you everybody for the replies. I suppose that the conclusion for some people is that a monogamous lifestyle is necessary to establish proper intimacy and connection and I can see how that could be, especially given my own emotional perception of the matter. For others, naturally, the open/polyamorous system works too.
As I am monogamous, I'd never and under no circumstances forgive a partner for infidelity. For me, it is the ultimate for of betrayal (not counting murder of something extreme like that). A relationship for me is to devote yourself romantically and sexually to the person who you chose and who chose you, with mutual respect( ! ). If my partner wants more, then I am not enough. If my partner would cheat on me, he/she would betray my trust and the feelings we shared. He/She would walk all over what we had and show such an enormous amount of disrespect, which is something I can't handle, since honour is something I strongly believe in. It would be a grave insult (sounds like something from an old samurai-movie). I do not have issues with those who are polygamous, if that's how you roll, then you do. Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone involved are on the same terms, which applies to everything in life. I would, however, have a harder time trusting a person who has been in a polygamous relationship, since I wouldn't be sure if I were enough. That, time and talking would mend. If I despite all this would try out a polygamous relationship, I'd just end up hitting the concubine in the face and reclaim my partner as mine and only mine while slithering all over him/her x)
