Hi I'm new to this site. I'm a 27 y/0 f from London. I'm gay. I'm in the closet. I wanted some advice about how to cope. In reality coming out or any relationships aren't an option for me because I am from a background where this is considered 'bad'. I have known about my orientation since I was fourteen but hidden it. I can't cope any longer - the secret weighs heavy on my shoulders and I feel excluded from normal expectation or experiences in life. I cannot be me. To be me would destroy those I care about. Some days are worse than others and lead me to awful thoughts. It's hard. I know others are out there too who find themselves in similar predicaments. Has anyone got any advice/ coping strategies or anything which could make these bad days better. I cannot freely talk about this. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Hello there & welcome to EC. If you feel there's nobody to freely talk to about this type of subject, you're certainly in the next-best place. I'm not sure if I should advise on this or not but I want to give my $0.02. I'm not really out at all. Perhaps this means I can relate, but it also probably means I can't tell you about how it's like after coming out. You sound a really great person and very selfless/unselfish in that you have avoided coming out for 13 years for the sole reason of not hurting others. Quite simply, I think you should at least consider coming out as an option and not describe it as impossible. When you say it will 'destroy others' - what do you exactly mean by that? The fact is, you're a seemingly mature 27 year old living in England. I think it's your turn to be a bit more kind to YOU. Essentially the most common reason for not coming out is because of anti-LGBT people giving a gay-hate reaction to coming out. IF this is the case for you, do you realise that the same people you are trying to protect from hurt by coming out, are in fact also the CAUSE to your mental burden? It's not fair for you to have these emotional struggles because they can't accept you as being gay. I really believe in that. Despite that, I'm not out. The reason for that is because I'm not fully independent yet and although I don't think that's too far away - I'd like to be a little more convinced I can support myself financially and independently before I take the plunge and come out. I don't have a BF, so I'm not really hiding anything at all, other than clearing browser history regularly :lol: You, however, might well have a solid job and live in your own place by now. You shouldn't have to accept this emotional pain because people can't accept something that probably doesn't even have an effect on them! Only your direct family should have any cause to be a little affected by this in my opinion. I bolded a few parts of your post. I have one question, is it worth it? Is the constant burden you are feeling by hiding the truth and going without a relationship (as you describe) really worth it just to protect those who judge you for something you can't change? That just doesn't sound at all fair to me. If it's just a poor anti-gay reaction is your concern, is there a chance they may react better than you expect? Even if they don't, move onto others who do. They're the better people anyway.
