It's been a long time since I created a thread for advice on here, which feels kind of odd as while my life hasn't been advancing by great leaps had felt it was moving enough to where I could handle things on my own, more-or-less. Wednesday morning I saw a notice from my closest offline friend, at the moment, and who I'd say I've been in love with for awhile now [he's aware of it and we tried going out but, long story short, decided not to pursue a partnership] that he would be moving away soon. Specifically somewhere that's about two hours away from the city we live near now. Ever since then, I've felt weighed down by unbearable sadness and am quite clearly going through the stages of grief. Am aware that this isn't the 'end of the world' or even of our relationship. Suppose it's a mixture of many things which have gotten to me. That while I've been familiar with him for getting close to two years, we've only been friends since last Autumn and it feels that I hadn't really developed a 'history' with him [if that makes sense,] now he won't be a 'local' friend for me.....probably never again. Wondering how regular our communication will be after he's moved [at most would like to do so weekly through letters/email and/or Skyping, if possible] considering he can be sporadic about it and I've not been in the habit since, well, it seemed redundant with someone I just imagined we'd be able to hang out and catch-up at some point. Also how often we'll be able to see each other and whether those moments will really be fulfilling to me or just a reminder of how uncommon it will be now. Find too that I regret not having communicated with him more before this or tried initiating plans more often, but even as he admitted the decision to move was spontaneous and despite knowing he would've liked to move out of the area eventually took it for granted that wouldn't be for some time yet. Naturally it's all the more complicated in that I do have deep feelings for him and just being around him, knowing he's in the area, has been comforting. I do have some other friends, unfortunately one of whom is going back to college not long after my friend will be moving, who I intend to develop relationships with but goes without saying his leaving hits me harder than the others. My sadness has gotten to the point where I'm actually crying if I think about it too much and since Wednesday have struggled in trying to find pleasure in anything, even inclinations toward suicide. Not simply because of him, but in that it brought up my fears of loneliness, isolation, emptiness and how I feel I matter so little to those I care for. Unlike most situations where my feelings seem to be fed by thoughts, my thoughts arise from these feelings and it's impossible to distance myself from them. I go to bed and awake feeling equally melancholy and my mood fluctuates between various levels of depression throughout the day. This past Friday I had a chance to meet up with him at a support group we've been both a part of, which appropriately enough ended up discussing isolation, talking with him a little before it started just going over the basics of how I've felt in reaction to everything. Though, as always, he didn't say much it was comforting to a degree because I felt he understood what I was going through and didn't seem any less comfortable with me talking about this than during our other conversations. I don't want to be sad, I'd like to be happy for him and believe that our friendship can last and maybe become closer [he's the sort of person I'd like to consider as a member of my surrogate family] but I still feel miserable, am unable to see it as a great opportunity for him and fear that as with anyone else I care deeply about he'll just slip through my fingers yet again. Mind you, am not against making new friends, but I've wanted to have "old" ones as well since it seems I've never had any. Honestly, not sure exactly what I'm asking for or why I typed this out, but felt I'd put it out there. Have plans to see him on Tuesday, and hopefully will do so once or twice more before he moves and guess while I desire to talk about certain things, don't want to be so sad and morose over the whole thing. It's not like a person has died, but feels like something inside of me is.
I understand what you mean. I was in a similar situation a while ago. I sort of just walked around, feeling empty, for at least a month or so - but... it will get better. Maybe because I always seem to get better for some reason, but maybe the same will apply to you. You mentioned that he's moving two hours away. That's not so bad. Maybe there will be a large event someday and you two can go to it and hang out together, or you can maybe drive towards each other and meet halfway. Stuff like that. Also unsure of what I'm trying to say, but I suppose I'm just trying to express my sympathy. Best of luck. (*hug*)
Hi Sartoris, For me, I think it helps to get busy. Get your body moving and doing things. You cant just make it go away but I found getting physically active can do wonders. It depends on your lifestyle and just the things you would or do enjoy. But if I were you I would make plans on getting things done such as projects for starters. If you own your own home, well, that makes it easy to make a list of projects but if you dont then you will have to go another route. Helping family members or friends with projects is one idea. Helping others can be very therapeutic so maybe put some thought into that. Also start thinking of ways to get out and meet more people. I hope these ideas help you.
May I ask what your situation was and do you still communicate But yes, that's generally how I've felt though was at my worst in the first five days upon learning about the move. It's not that I doubt being able to get better, so much as wondering what will happen to our relationship. 'Cause no, the distance itself isn't too bad, but an odd scenario where he's close enough to not let it seem that he's "gone," but not near enough to feel physically close. If that makes sense. Though on the flipside, have inferred he intends to remain in state which is good, as I'd like to as well, so maybe we can have a more 'local' friendship some time in the future again but depends on how things go for both of us over time. ---------- Post added 2nd Aug 2014 at 02:20 PM ---------- Right and have been trying to do that, though in the first five days I felt so empty that doing anything left me feeling as sad as doing absolutely nothing. While slightly better now, it's still hard to really become engaged with anything as it seems too obviously a means of 'distraction.' Yet I know it's important not to do nothing, since I need to work on keeping myself going for when he's out of the area. Trying to meet others is certainly been something on my mind for a few years now, 'cause this friend is, as mentioned I believe, one of the newest ones I've made. While I can probably try doing more, it still takes awhile to "meet" others, so to speak, and don't make friends instantly. Not using that as an excuse, just acknowledging that while I feel capable of making more friends it'll take awhile and even then it'll be hard to fill the void left by the one I've been talking about.
We're at different highschools now. It's unlikely I will ever see her in person again, unless it's at school visiting or whatever, but yes, we still talk. Here's the longer version, if you're interested: Spoiler It was with a friend. We knew each other for three years - from the beginning of middle school to the end. During the end, she suddenly stopped talking to me and started chatting with others. It was like she ignored me completely, and she didn't ask me to sign her yearbook. I know the last comment was stupid, because who the hell cares? It's a yearbook. But she had every other kid's signature - she didn't ask for her best friend's. And I think that hurt me most - the fact she cared more about others' than mine. But whatever. I didn't chat with her for a while, mostly because I kept depending on her chatting me, and she didn't contact me for a long time. But eventually she did. We said stuff. Now we're on OK terms. Not as close, but hey, she made 326 new friends and I made none. In any case, I will probably never see her again. Not in person, anyway, but yes, we still chat, send pics, stuff. She just goes to a different highschool now. So, closer than your friend, but... still away. I'm sure your relationship will be fine. I have an online friendship that lasted two to three years, and we haven't really drifted away. So, long-distance relationships can work.
Do you both stay in touch through emails, Skype or something else Imagine it was tougher since you'd known one another for some time, at least compared with my experience. That's not stupid, probably would have a similar reaction if it happened to me. Have you ever talked about the aforementioned 'break' with her and why it occurred Though in a different way, sort of know what you mean about relying on her for chatting. Similarly have relied on my friend to come by my house or pick me up to do stuff, though I'm usually always the one initiating contact. Figure it's a mix of him being fairly busy, having alot of friends and acquaintances and also being a little....'erratic' when it comes to responding, regardless of who it is. Well I hope that it won't, it's just that I'm uncertain and, again, it's just missing that direct relationship. But since I'd certainly considering moving out of the area as well, yet remain in NYS, who knows what'll happen.
We stay in touch through the Kik and Line apps. I don't think she's interested in video chatting either, but text-only is fine for me. But, no, I haven't talked to her about it. I'm afraid it will cause unnecessary drama, and I'm over it, anyway. What do you mean by erratic, though, if you don't mind me asking? And, I know how it feels. It was great being able to chat to someone during lunch break. Now I'm all alone again. :lol: Well, I think things will work out in the end. I understand it's really tough now, but things will settle. It will be okay.
Am not familiar with either of those, but I'm always a little behind on these things... Would you consider asking whether she's u for video chatting That's understandable and good that you're over it by now. Don't mind at all. To start with, he's admitted to not being good with initiating things but will usually respond to someone. Even then it can be hit and miss. Sort of person who sometimes or often texts back right away, but sometimes you send one and he may see it with the intent to send another back though may forget. Can hope they'll work out in some way, though not sure how just yet. Bothers me more than it would with most others 'cause, even setting aside unresolved romantic feelings, I feel very close to him. In the meantime, at least, would like to use this 'opportunity' to get to know him even better.
I prefer texting, actually. Sorta get self-conscious when I'm video chatting, heheh. And, ah, I see. I'm another one of those people. Unfortunately, it's gotten me into some embarrassing situations, so... yeah. Sounds like a plan. Make the most of what's thrown your way, eh? Good luck.
Likewise enjoy text chatting or audio calls, haven't done a video one yet but have been curious. Right so haven't tried to take it personally when, in the past, he's not gotten back to me immediately or I have to send a text. Still, even knowing someone's an 'erratic' communicator makes me a little insecure... Something along those lines, maybe more like getting a general plan and moving forward with my own life seeing to what extent things are plausible for our friendship later on.
I'm sure he won't be offended if you just send a little "hello? you there?" after a while. I know I'd appreciate it. :lol:
Of course, but as far as the move's concerned would like to have more extensive conversations when possible. Messages like that are fine if one just wants to make plans, but I find it disappointing for long distance stuff...
Hey I feel for you man. I moved to a new city for a man and split up with him on day one. F months later I met one of the bestest friends I've ever had and now 5 years later he's moving to another country! I even debated moving with him but in the end the friendship has been like a surrogate relationship.
I know what you mean. Just try to catch him in his free time, then, or ask for his schedule. Surely that won't be too awkward if you're close friends. :lol: Coming from someone who awkwardly checks their phone before school, then only replies after, it's pretty possible I will forget. On the receiving side, I totally feel how frustrating it is to wait for a reply. Or, you can call him. If it goes through, you'll get faster responses, at least.
Can imagine how one would become so close with another person like that, though imagine that having known him, your friend, for five years and presumably continuing to communicate helps a little regardless of the distance (*hug*) ---------- Post added 3rd Aug 2014 at 02:26 PM ---------- Of course, figured to some extent it'd involve setting up 'non dates.' :lol: Not awkward, but though sent a contact request to his Skype account the last time he was here, since I asked not knowing if he used his own or a 'username,' and hasn't accepted it yet. Makes me wonder how often he's actually on that account. Yeah, it's weird trying to deal with the frustration knowing full well that others forget to reply without meaning to be callous or what have you... Admittedly he's not a phone call person, at least not with many, otherwise I might've considered that. Don't know. Gonna see him again one or two more times, I hope, before he moves so we can talk about it more now that most of the 'angst' is gone.
