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I keep on misjudging my incredibly kind and loving parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Beware Of You, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. Beware Of You

    Full Member

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    So I am gay, I realised when I was 13 that I was turning out that way after I started to fantasise about guys I knew. Anyway when the penny dropped so to speak I was terrified, I don't know if its due to being a Catholic schoolboy at the time but I immediately decided it was wrong and that my parents would be livid, freak out, kick me out of my house etc. I somehow made up some fantasy that my parents were these homophobic twerps based on nothing really, I never even spoke about gay people with them so I had no evidence to base it on, I just assumed they wouldn't want their only kid to be LGBT.
    The only thing I can recall is Dad being freaked out by the gay kiss on Torchwood when Grp Cpt. Jack Harkness snogged John Heart in a sexy bar fight but I don't know if it was just sudden or something.
    Anyway I only came out 9 years later when I was 22, my parents (I think they knew already) didn't care, but they were very upset that I kept it from them, I remember my Dad borderline in tears telling me I " could have spoken to him about anything" and that day haunts me alot nearly 2 years later, I feel like a shitty kid who can't even trust the only people in the world who should love him unconditionally.
    Also I picked up a tattoo, and it was the same thing, I hid it from them by wearing long sleeves all the time (quickly picked up as being odd in the summer) again Dad make me assume they hate the things (He refers to David Beckham as the "tattooed idiot") although he does watch Miami Ink but that never made it into my mental model. Anyway they saw my tat, actually like it, were hurt I hid it from them and actually want in the loop about future tats, I mean Mum actually texted me when I was getting my second one done to see how it was going, and now they are offering to pay for a 1/2 sleeve as an Christmas present.
    I feel a bit bad, they are pretty great parents and I just take them for granted
     
  2. dano218

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    I remember the fear about coming out to my parents and I also misjudged them for alot of things. What you went through is normal and typical because when you want to come out or are thinking about it you question their every comment or every thing they do and that fear takes over you and when you do come out their reaction could be not what you thought. If you would feel better I would explain how you felt to your parents in a kind way and that you did not do it to hurt them or anything like that.
     
  3. YaraNunchuck

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    Location:
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    Please forgive yourself. I still haven't come out to parents, and even though I know overall they'll be accepting (though disappointed) I'm still terrified. For LGBT people, the paranoia about parents' reactions is sometimes justified and for every success story there is one horrible story of being kicked out, mental torture etc.

    You felt the way anyone would have felt. You were brave. You've come out to them now; try to enjoy what you have, rather than think about counterfactuals. It could have very well gone badly, and you were not irrational for thinking that - but it didn't. It's good. It's to be celebrated...