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Do you think marriage is unhealthy?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BearLover, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. BearLover

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    In a way I think it's probably the most unhealthy type of relationship, it's accepted as the norm but if you actually think about it, is it healthy?

    People talk about how they are going to get married and live happily ever after but in reality is that the case? Everything seems great at first, once a couple are together a few years they are very happy but after 20 years is their relationships really that great? Look at straight married couples, are they happy? I've been around many straight married couples and they seem unhappy, especially people in their middle age.

    I have a boss that's married, he's not having sex with his wife and I can tell he's bored of the relationship, he probably wants to be with someone else as his love life has gone downhill, being honest it's probably nothing like when they first met, he is trapped in a marriage to the point where it's unhealthy, his marriage has become banal and is probably depressing him. It would be healthy for him to move on from his marriage but he isn't, he's trapped. Think of it like this, getting married is like signing up for a job for the rest of your life, it's nice at first but will it be 30, 40, 50 years down the line? Next to nothing is. Being married forces you to have to kid yourself, it's not healthy, if it were healthy you would be able to move on when you felt the time is right, but you can't. You can pretend that you love someone but in reality you don't, that's what he is experiencing, he's always flirting with his employees, he's obviously bored. Marriage stops him from moving on, he lives a depressing life kidding himself.

    And another couple I know that I see on a regular basis, they have been married for about 25-30 years, everytime I see them they are always so negative, always starting arguments, if they were really happy then they'd be able to get on with me, but they're not so they have to take it out on me. If they seperated, they'd be much happier but marriage stops them from doing that, they are trapped kidding themselves, not living the lives they want to live.

    When someone is about to get married they are really getting their hopes up, they think that once they are married they're going to live "happily ever after" but this is never or very unlikely to be the case, it's one huge fantasy.

    And another thing, what does it actually do? Marriage is seen as something that is so great but really all it does is comforts the girl into thinking it's so great, i've had arguments on this and the only valid reason I would accept was that it gives you a tax break, I'm not sure whether it is really a great investment though, but is it really worth it for the unhealthiness of the relationship later experienced? No it's not.

    Marriage is accepted as the norm but it's not exactly healthy, I think the world really needs to consider changing it's opinion on marriage, it's no wonder why so many adults are bored, miserable, depressed etc.

    I see so many people like this and it's no wonder why they aren't happy, everything is great at first but nothing is that great after 20 years, it wears off, variety is the spice of life, once you are sick of a relationship you move on, not kid yourself into loving someone. Yes you may be "Faithful" to your wife/husband but at the end of the day, are you happy? And that's what reallly matters.

    What is the norm is seen as healthy, but is it? If you really think about it, is it really? I would like to date that older guy but I'm moving on because he's never going to move on from his wife, it would be good for him if he did, but he isn't. I'm not going to force him out of his marriage because that's his and his wife's business but I gave him the chance.

    Marriage is not designed to be healthy, it's literally one huge mess in itself for most people, don't get me wrong some people will get on happily for the rest of their lives but that's only a few and you would be better off being able to leave someone when you are bored or depressed from it. Do you really have to be emprisoned in a marriage? What is the reason behind this? To stop them moving on? Well, that's unhealthy. It's designed to be a mess.
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    You only get imprisoned by marriage if you feel that way.

    By marrying someone, you're fully aware of this. You understand that you are making a vow and a promise.

    I don't think anyone should rush into marriage, especially if their love tends to be fickle.

    Not everyone tires of their spouse. I've seen many, many couples, well in their later ages (talking about 80 or so), but they're still very happy with their spouse.

    And, besides, if you tire of the marriage, you can divorce.

    You can argue that it's expensive, which I imagine it is, but marriage in general is expensive. In many, many ways.

    Just my two cents, although, I have a feeling I don't have a right to throw them in. Oops. Just trying to spark conversation, I guess.
     
  3. IJustWantToLove

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    Hmm, you sure do make marriage sound like a trap and a guarantee to be unhappy...
    But when I think about marriage, what you mention is not what I think about. I don't see it as a trap, enprisoning me for the rest of my life. Making me sacrifice a part of myself.

    What I see in marriage is two people, loving each others so much that they are willing to commit to that person. It's not about giving up something, but about gaining. Having someone stick by your side. Having someone you can rely on. Someone you can trust. Someone who gets you without you having to explain everything. Someone who is your save haven. Someone to cheer you up when your down and who's there to share your joy with.

    You could argue now, that's just a 'normal' relationship. Why put the pressure on it with marrying? I guess that's a good and justified question. I don't think I have a proper answer. I'd say marriage isn't for everyone. And if you don't want to get married, that's fine, don't do it. Maybe I over-romanticise marriage, I don't know. But it's just a comforting thought to have someone who shares your beliefs and values and everything, and wants to show this to the world by commuting through marriage...

    Sure, some marriages don't work for eternity. But there's a solution to that.
    And marriage might be a bit of work, I'll give you that. People change, and with that relationships change. But if it's the person you truly love, you won't mind and try to make it work, I guess.

    So yeah, I don't think marriage is unhealthy if you marry the right person and really want it.
     
  4. Rumpletubb

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    If I ever were set to have the job of my dreams for the rest of my life, I'd be happy as h*ll. Since marriage affects a person you love, you just have to be more patient before you make the commitment.

    I've been together with my partner for 5 years but we aren't close to get married. I need to settle in life, and so does she.

    Marriage takes commitment and to be mature enough to be able to make that commitment. It seems like people nowadays take it too lightly.

    Just my two scents, I don't blame anyone for thinking different. Life's different to everyone.
     
  5. littlemonster11

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    I've seen my fair share of unhealthy marriages, but I don't think marriage in general is unhealthy. People just have the ability to make it that way.

    If one is unhappy in a marriage, I feel they should just file for a divorce. Staying in a marriage you don't want to be in is not only hurting you, but your spouse as well.

    I can't see myself getting married personally, but I do respect it for sure.

    Getting back to the point, I don't find marriage unhealthy, I just think people are capable of making it that way.
     
  6. thekillingmoon

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    Who's forcing people to do anything? Marriage is not a prison sentence, you can quit any time. Perhaps people stay in a loveless marriage because they're afraid to be alone. In which case they choose to do that to themselves.

    Marriage in itself is not a bad idea. It works out for some and doesn't for others, same as relationships.
     
  7. I agree with others who have said that marriage in and of itself isn't unhealthy. I think a lot of people have come to see marriage as this huge goal that they have to reach as quickly as possible, so they settle down with someone who maybe isn't someone they should be with long term. Bumps in the marriage can happen too; just because somebody is currently unhappy with the way their marriage is doesn't mean that the relationship is unhealthy and needs to be cut off. If they want to make it work, they'll make it work.