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I'm attracted to a guy 6 years younger than me. Should I pursue anything?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dapulu, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. dapulu

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    TL;DR He's in high school and I already finished university and am currently working. I met him a couple of weeks ago, I'm pretty sure he's interested in guys and is a bit interested in me. I don't know if I should pursue anything because I think it'd just end with me giving him the cold shoulder because our needs and goals in life are just plain different...on the other hand I don't wanna regret missing out on him just because of that.

    How we met and our interactions (if you want to know):
    I met him 12 days ago and I instantly felt attracted. You know, one of those guys that just caughts your attention. We met at a camp for orphan kids that lasted for a week. He was new in the group and I was in my last event there, since I've been there for 6 years and I've decided to move on. I always said hi to everyone, new or not, so my greeting was our first formal contact. Throughout the project when I'd get closer to him and he was alone he'd always say "hi" or "how's it going", shyly and looking a bit away. I guess he's just shy or felt a bit awkard or both. Some other times when I was alone he'd come and ask me stuff about my trajectory in the group. My role in that project was very secluded, so most of the time I was alone. I caught him staring at me quite a few times.

    Anyways, I forgot about him after the project ended but 2 days ago I met him at a party, and I kept finding myself looking his way, listening to his voice and all that crap. I said hi to everyone, one by one, and he was somewhere so I only said hi to him some time later. In the party he talked a lot with his friends(mostly women) and this other "bi"(gay) guy, and a few times throughout the little time I was there (party started at 4 p.m, I arrived at 9p.m., and he left at 10:30 or so) he'd come over and try and talk to me, even if I was with other people or if he had like 20 people he knew around. He'd use as an excuse how much of a "legend" I was in the group and how good I am and how should I stay and whatnot. I guess I caught his attention too, who knows. When he said goodbye I hugged him tightly, and that was it. I should note that I'm very flirtatious, and I toned it down only to smiles, looks and slight touches with him. I also looked at him enoguh times forma far, and when he caught me I'd smile and say hi.

    Is he gay?
    From the little bits I saw of him, I say he is. My proof is his mannerisms, he looks to guys bulges and does not at all look at girls, and I just get that feeling. I'll ask if I pursue him though.

    What do I know of him?
    Almost nothing. I didn't really asked about himWe have only talked and met with other common friends of the group in real life, so I don't have his fb nor his number, and I didn't ask nor searched for him really. I usually don't like to share personal info with people in the group, so they don't really know what's going on with me, unless I tell them at meeting, parties and events. However, I've had a lot of experience with crushes and all that since last year I went full charge with all of the ones I had hahaha and I understand very well what can I do to know him better and all that. I also can take it if he's not interested or says he's not gay, which I doubt, or whatever.

    My problems and biggest issue
    I don't know if it's worth it. I do like the little bit I saw of him. It's a bit premature for me to be saying I could've something with him, but I'm pretty sure my intuition is right...and believe me I measured it enough last year hahaha...Still, I have some worries:
    1)And the biggest: He's way younger than me and at another stage in life.
    2) I don't know what is it I really want with him...but I'm pretty sure I don't want just friendship right now. Right now I kind of want a relationship since I'm tired of friends with benefits, one night stands, guys in the closet, and all that. Not that I've had many of them, but enough to understand what it's like with each one of those situations. I know I need to know him first, but that leads me to the next issue:
    3) I'd rather not have gossip about my sexuality and all that stuff in the group I'm leaving, not because of what people may say, but that I'm kind of discreet about it, and if something does happen and he tells his friends, I know for sure all the group will know. He fell in love in the group and am pretty sure he's staying in it, also his best friends are all in it. The group has around 100-150 constant people between 15-22 years old...and they like to talk. And honestly I'm kind of discreet about my stuff, so I wouldn't want high-school girls knowing what I did yesterday with him and whatnot. Why do I say this could happen? See 4.
    4) I don't like going around in circles, I'm very direct and if I'd pursue him, I'd do it seriously and without beating around the bush, so I'm sure others will notice.
    5) I like sex, and I'm not sure if that'd go in the package, since if he's underage, it's hands-off and I don't know if I can wait. I also know he'll feel pretty bad and would stop being interested in me if I see other guys in the process of knowing him. How do I know this? I guess its just my gut feeling.

    Anyways...what do you guys think? I'm gonna try to know him more the next time we meet, but until then...what do you guys recommend?
     
    #1 dapulu, Jul 28, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2014
  2. WhiteShadows

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    I think it's pretty difficult to have a relationship with someone at such a different stage in their life. I think a lot of people will say the age difference is too big....

    But it's difficult to say really... I would just be friends with him and get to know him. But maybe just keep it at friends and nothing more. For all you know he's not even gay. If he is gay and wants to be in a relationship with you, he'll probably initiate it himself, and then you can figure out what to do.
     
  3. Don't go there. The age difference between 15/16 and 22 is huge. Any relationship would be completely one sided, even if you have the best of intentions.

    Not to mention legal problems, allegations of abuse etc etc.

    It's a crush, that's all. Get over it & move onto someone older.
     
    #3 uniqueusername3, Jul 28, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2014
  4. dapulu

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    Thanks for the input guys. I guess I wantes to hear it too from someone else.

    Today I found out he's 18, actually. But nevertheless, upon knowing him a bit more, I'm turned off by him. Crush over.

    Hahaha. Well, that was fast.