Hey, So this post does not have anything to do with sexual orientation. Anyway I was wondering what your guys thoughts are on this situation. So I am an introverted guy, I love talking but it is so draining for me. I am also the kinda person who needs or wants to have one very very close friend and the a wider circle of general friends. I have tried so many time to become close friends with people and they always get ripped away. Firstly a girl I will name Susan, I was friends with her since about 5th grade and we were really close and still are, but she lives really far away. First they travel around the world for a year than her family move to England then they come back and move to Perth. Even though she is a really close friend I see her like one a year. Then in grade 9 I girl came to our class in the last term of school and we started to become really good friends, she was funny and so was I. After summer break when we returned to school, she ignored me and would not talk to me. We are slowly becoming better friends again but I fear it will never be the same. Then another girl came and she was quite nice and we have been friends the whole time. But I can get jealous quite easily and as soon a she started spending more time with a new girl, (who Is a f****** pain in the ass) I got really jealous and she slowly drifted out of my bestest best friend grasp. Then at the beginning of this year a guy came to our school. He is really funny and has the exact same sense if humour as me. And we were really good friends for a while. I have even been to his house for a night over. But lately he has been talking a lot to another guy and when this other guy is around I am completely ignored. I always feel that when I get close to someone they will drift away. I just want they one friend who always has my back and I always have there's. Everyone else's has there one best friend and I am just left alone. I am scared to get close to anyone because I am afraid I will lose them. I just don't know what to do.
Hey! you clearly are a friendly person and fun-to-be-with types, so dont worry you'l make friends again. There are times when people dont have friends at all, it happens to everyone and all age groups.. so there is nothing wrong with you. One thing I’d say the, sometimes the more we try to hold on to something, the more they start sliding/drifting apart, Friendship is like that. It just happens effortlessly, you just need to give it sometime. And people do have several friends, you cant wish them to be just your friend and be jealous of their friends. Like i have 2-3 best friends, and they all are special to me and each one of them mean different to me, holds a different place in my heart. As you said, you have/had best friends, they must have seen something in you but at the same time they can have different kind of bonding with others too. So you cant compare the bonding they have with you and with others. There must be secrets they feel like sharing only with you.. and few other secrets only with other friends. And that’s how it works/happens. You have earlier made some really good friends, you again will make. I hope you soon find friends who deserves you and can understand the real you
Thank you Girlpower, I understand how everyone can have multiple friends, I get jealous more when I get cut off because of someone else, not when they just talk to someone else. And I know I can't force a relationship, but sometimes I feel if I don't try to hold on I will lose it altogether.
It kind of sounds like you tend to get too close too soon. Dont expect too much too soon. Have fun and keep meeting new friends. Maybe you could join a club or something at school, thats a good way to meet new people. You could have some underlying abandonment issues or low self esteem so taking a closer look at that might help. Look up self esteem building activities, do some reading, it might shed some light on things for you. Think about doing things that you enjoy, get creative even if you think they are small things... do them. Do some reading on abandonment issues and see if anything rings a bell for you. How is your relationship with your parents? Are they supportive parents? Always there for you? Just think about those things. Also if your school has a counselor you could always go there for guidance, just a thought anyway. I like being funny with my friends too so I know what you mean when you find someone that you can connect with like that. Remember your only 15 yrs old so a lot of kids that age can be kind of flighty too. One week their friends with one person and the next week they blow them off, its very common. Try to think more about just hanging out having fun and not so much about being close. Maybe you could invite a few friends over once a month or whatever to stay the night. Hang out, watch movies, play video games or whatever you like to do with your friends. Maybe you could make some snacks or just get chips and drinks, whatever you like.
I don't think I have abandonment issues and I have a strong relationship with my parents. Though I know myself esteem is low but only around those people I don't know. I also don't think getting into a club will help because my school is quite small and everyone already knows everyone. I don't think I rush into relationships, it's more the fact that every close friend I have ever had slowly faded away, it's painful to watch your friend drift from you, when you know there is little you can do. I guess I just feel cheated out of every close relationship. I should also mention again, that I am introverted and struggle to have a large group of friends. I am the kind of person that needs that one on one support with one other person. Also if I got close enough to someone I trust and I know won't leave me, than I could have someone to come out to who can help, and support, because right now I am not out to anyone.
