I read this piece LGBTQ microaggressions: overt homophobia, unintentional awkwardness, and misguided attempts to be supportive. and it makes a ton of sense. It's hard when someone feels like they're tiptoeing around every minority ever, like they can't have a genuine conversation. If something that's being said is genuinely homophobic, then yes that person deserve to be called out, but some are just silly little tongue slips that really, who cares if someone assumes my ex was a boy or uses the phrase "the gays"? I've called out friends who say things like "i could never date a bisexual guy" or "well maybe this is just a phase, you'll figure it out someday!" but I will let petty comments slide. I feel like the way to make straight people [who have a narrow but tolerant worldview] feel more comfortable with LGBTQ people is to make them realize that it's no big deal and that if I don't feel awkward there's no reason they should feel awkward; let's just treat each other as people. What do you guys think?
I agree that being a member of the LGBT community shouldn't be considered as a big deal and that people shouldn't tiptoe around it, i.e. that we should just treat each other as people, but I still think that some of these microaggressions are offensive, such as asking a gay person if they've ever had "real" sex. I find that I mostly have problems with microaggressions that show lack of understanding and the ones that indirectly undermine or belittle the LGBT community - e.g. the question about the "real" sex does the latter by suggesting that gay sex is something inferior, i.e. an alternative to the actual thing, whereas for gay individuals, it's perfectly optimal (and fundamental). Likewise, asking "how can you want to be a guy and like a guy at the same time" would be upsetting because it demonstrates ignorance as to the fact that the suggested situation is actually possible and that there don't need to be any strict gender roles within a relationship - I see this as a lack of understanding. However, I don't really have problems with ones that simply involve an innocent assumption - for example, it doesn't bother me at all that someone should assume that I'm heterosexual. I'm also fine with the ones that show ignorance without prejudice, e.g. asking "how do gays have sex" - I don't find anything here that suggests that gay sex is wrong or incomprehensible. The only potential problem I see is the generalisation that implies that all gays have sex in same/similar ways, but I don't really mind that - I would take it that the person is simply inquiring as to what is most common. By the way, I wouldn't really mind the statement "I could never date a bisexual guy" either - I find that it's a matter of personal choice/taste that shouldn't be disputed. Condemning bisexuals is different from not wishing to date them, in the way I perceive it. I also don't see anything wrong with the term "the gays" - I use it myself. However, I do find the suggestion "well, maybe this is just a phase; you'll figure it out someday!" offensive - again, because it demonstrates lack of understanding as to the fact that homosexuality is very rarely a phase. Dismissing it in this way berates it, as far as I'm concerned. ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2014 at 10:52 AM ---------- Aside from microaggressions, another thing that really bothers me is when people are too supportive of the LGBT community - again, because they think it's a big deal, whereas I think it is something quite commonplace. An example of this would be exclaiming to someone who suddenly indirectly revealed in a conversation that he's gay something along the lines of "Oh my God! You're gay! That's so amazing! So you've come out? Wow, I'm so proud of you!" or something such - that would over-dramatize the issue and it would also indirectly reinforce the notion that being a member of the LGBT community is something abnormal or even impressive. With me, I simply wish that people react nonchalantly about it, just as they do when they find out someone plays the piano, or something such. With the two people I've come out to, this is how it's been and I'm pleased about it. However, I was a bit irked that when I came out to my school psychologist, she expressed some admiration for the fact that I've "accepted myself". With this, she suggested that she'd expected that I would resent myself for being gay - she even told me a story about someone who had trouble accepting himself into his twenties - which also kind of reinforced the stigma around homosexuality.
