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depressed :, (

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by iloveheralways, Aug 1, 2014.

  1. iloveheralways

    Regular Member

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    Hi,

    I'm feeling really down. I am a lesbian and I'm having a hard time in life. My parents and family is very religious so I can't ever tell them. :,,, (( I'm in college but still live with my family because I'm dependent, and they won't allow me to dorm. I have no friends. I am in counseling now but it's not working much. I'm really tired with life. I'm tired of having to live like this. I'm tired of everything in my life. I feel suffocated sometimes, like I'm stuck in a pit and I can't come out. My parents won't understand that even though I used to get A's in school, I've never been happy. I've never had friends and I feel depressed. I used to be gender nonconforming when I little but my parents would spank me and now I feel down, like nothing that I can do will make them happy especially because I'm not straight and can't marry or behave the way they want me to. I am tired of life. I need someone to talk to. That's why I have posted this.
     
  2. RobinHood

    RobinHood Guest

    Hello! I'm sorry to hear this from you and you have my full understanding and support. This is exactly my situation right now. My mother is a Christian and she wouldn't understand me. I'm at university and I keep studying - that's the only thing that keeps me alive. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone in this mess. But then I think about other situations which are worse than mine. And I look around and see everything I have. It's good to appreciate things you have, not thinking about how it might be. Works sometimes, other times I'm just stucked in a moment of depression and self-compassion. Then you need something to break through from it. This site has helped me a lot. And I know it will help you, too. :slight_smile:

    You said like you feel that you can't ever make you parents happy because you're not straight. You know it's not true. You have your good sides, talents. I'm sure your parents are proud of you. If you work hard enough and become an independent lady - then they'll be sure they've made their job right and they will feel very proud of you. That's how I see it with my parents, I have to earn their proud.

    Also, if you ever feel lonely, need an advice or just want to chat, feel free to post on my wall. We're here to help each other and support each other. Especially when we're in the situation which is pretty much the same. :slight_smile:
     
  3. iloveheralways

    Regular Member

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    Thanks for your support, I needed it. I just feel very down these days....like I couldn't get into a closed course even though the professor had me two times before and I always behaved in her class; I thought I was a good student and she would let me in, but she didn't so that got me depressed a lot cuz I always try to put in 100 percent into my work...and studies are the only thing I'm good at, otherwise I'm useless. I'm in dbt therapy to help deal with these emotions of mine. My uncle came to visit with his family and that got me more depressed cuz my family is mostly Muslim, but my uncle fell in love with and married a Christian. And that caused a divide in my grandparents family, and even though my uncle almost always did everything that my grandparents told him, just because he married someone he loves, my grandparents don't love him much anymore and they keep saying that he was the worst child....and now they don't really love my uncles's children the same way they do me, and that makes my cousins feel bad and it just feels awful. And my aunt feels left outs all the time and it's just hard. And this is why I say my parents won't love me no matter how much I please them.
    Things have just gotten more and more depressing for me... I landed in the hospital this past semester, and I still don't have any friends and that's mostly my own fault: I don't know how to approach people and make friends.
    I have even gained lots of weight cuz I eat when I get depressed. And I don't have anyone..not even one person...to go do something nice with. I eat and eat and just go to my room and sleep most of the day and just stay in my room cuz I start crying all of a sudden and my mom doesn't understand anything so she keeps telling me that I am my own problem and that I need to fix myself..even though I'm in dbt therapy cuz I have emotion dysregulation and that happens when you are naturally too sensitive and have had invalidating life experiences. But my parents say I'm the problem and sometimes I wish I could just run away from it all.
     
  4. Damien

    Full Member

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    This is my problem, as well. I wish all of us who are tormented and lonely could somehow get together, then we wouldn't be lonely anymore!...but of course only full members are allowed to share any personal contact info, but I'm just saying, you will be able to find and connect with folks in real life, in time. Keep coming here to ec, and hang on. If your grades are good, then keep that going because they could get you into a decent job someday, and having your own money will mean freedom to do, live and be as you want. Hold on to that. In the meantime, feel free to talk anytime, we at EC are here always...the wonderful thing about the Internet is that we can be here for each other, no matter where we live!
    Damien. (*hug*)
     
  5. iloveheralways

    Regular Member

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    Thank you. I appreciate your kindness. I will try to stay positive but it's really hard. I have read other peoples posts and it has made me feel a bit better. I still feel depressed though. I ate extra acetaminophen pills and have had a bad head ache and stomach discomfort since morning. I shouldn't have done it but I acted impulsively and regret it now. Anyways. Thank you again :slight_smile: