A year ago my older sister expressed her disapproval of my sexuality due to her husband's big republican family and basically made like I am making everyone uncomfortable with my sexuality and using it a attention seeking tactic. This is the way my older sister who is 23 and married has been treating me since I graduated high school and it all blew up last year when she expressed disapproval over my facebook posts. The thing that gets me is that most of my family is vocally accepting of my sexuality and don't care one bit while my sister thinks in her own world that no one accepts it and is uncomfortable because of me. Of course she is a big influence on my younger sister who now graduated high school and going to college and I am afraid she is gonna direct my younger sister in getting me alienating me and hating me. Of course we have the typical brother sister problems and she never expressed acceptance or any disapproval but I could tell the topic makes her uncomfortable and she rather avoid it based on her comments in the past. Now i noticed she deleted me from face book and I thought maybe it was a mistake and when I tried to add her back she deleted me. I know I should not read much into but my older sister has a evil way of influencing people into believing what she says and no matter how much I express my feelings about her behavior no one including my parents or relatives will hold accountable. Because of this I am at risk not having a relationship with either of my sisters and awkward family gatherings forever. It is not like I can confront them easily because I live out of state. These are lists of ways in order from 2010 to present my sister has pushed me farther away. 1. Texted me in college and told me to keep a secret and when I asked my parents about it they called her and she told them that I was bothering her and that I need to stop it. 2. Heard about drama in college and called me and said that I was probably causing all the drama and to stop causing drama. 3. Told my mom I was adding gay people on face book and my mom told me I needed to be careful because my sister does not know about my sexuality. 4. My grandma died and I had my parents pick me up to go to the funeral and my sister told me I was selfish for making my parents pick me for up for the funeral. 5. At her wedding the only job I had was passing out programs and her wedding the worst family event in my life with total awkwardness. 6. Told my mom that my face book posts make her and her husband uncomfortable and that I need to hide them from her and than I confronted my sister and she went on a hateful rant that I am making everyone uncomfortable and throwing my sexuality in everyone's face. This effectively ended our relationship. The fact is despite all her arguments she never truly says that I am gay or acknowledges it and her husband is too much of a coward to say anything about it either. I even came out to her on facebook personally and she never said anything and so I just let her and husband see my posts and get their reaction from that. My face book posts where just me supporting gay rights and stuff like that nothing uncomfortable or sexual in that aspect and i never let younger relatives see my posts until they are mature enough to handle it. I admit when I finally came out to everyone I went overboard which could of caused discomfort in some but I think anyone can understand the overwhelming feeling of not holding back feelings and not realizing how much is too much and I did say that to my sister and of course she was having none of it.
I am disturbed by the aspect of not having a relationship with both my sisters and I realize that might be the case which maybe out of my control.
It sounds like she's not a very flexible or accepting persoin. As far as her deleting you from Facebook, if your posts make her uncomfortable (regardless of whether she's being unreasonable) then she may just be deciding she'd rather not have you on FB than having to see the posts that make her uncomfortable, and that seems somewhat reasonable. As for the rest of it... it's sort of a tough call. You may never be able to have a decent relationship with her because it sounds like she's just small-minded. And that's really unfortunate and sucks, but, sadly, a lot of familiies are that way. I wish I had more to suggest here. The one thing I think you can do is to continue to nurture a healthy relationship with your parents and try and stay in touch with your younger sister so that their opinions and feelings about you are dictated by your interactions, rather than your sister's ignorance. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. It's unfair and it sucks, and unfortunately, there are just some people who are assholes.
Your sister sounds like a major jackass. I'm not sure what you can do to keep your other sister, but in my opinion your bad sister should either be forced to stop treating you that way, or no longer be welcome at family gatherings. People in a family shouldn't hate each other for no reason.
Thanks. I never shared any of my posts with my younger sister because I could tell she was not comfortable with it. I have to look at this the hard way she is 19 years old going off to college and now that she is adult it her decision on whether to accept me as I am or follow course with my sister and act like a jerk about it. The sad thing is out of my whole family my two sisters are the ones with the biggest problems with it along with my grandparents. They are worried how awkward and uncomfortable it will be for them when most of my cousins, aunts and uncles don't even care. My parents are aware of the situation and don't want to take sides but they don't realize how damaging this to any relationship I could have with my sisters. ---------- Post added 3rd Aug 2014 at 12:09 PM ---------- My parents won't even defend me against her because that will cause more sisters. A lot damage has been and I literally have not had a conservation with my sister since May 2013 and if she cares more about her comfort than me than it may be forever. She married in to a rich Republican family and although she never stated anything homophobic even going as far as staying at a friends gay uncle's place in Pennsylvania for vacation years ago so it is very disturbing.
She doesn't seem like a very accepting and open-minded person to me. Okay, this might not seem good to you, but think of the bright side. A bad person is out of your life. You don't need her, you're independent, smart, and can do anything by your own. Your sister is just a huge brick wall that needs to be taken down. You have an accepting family and that is all you need, as for your sister, I don't know what to say. You can somehow influence her positively, maybe there are some guides and what not. Anyways, stay strong and don't get put down!
Thanks. It is a hard situation. My older sister is a psychopath to me and what she says or does to me is out of my control. I wish somebody other than me would tell her how horrible she is but no one will hold her accountable. Our relationship is pretty much ruined and my parents are gonna have to accept that.
