I know what I've done was wrong, but I still wanna hear your comments on the topic. I am really crazy about her, I am not out at work, just a few close friends know that I am bisexual. There is this gorgeous woman at work, I was fascinated by her beauty and personality, but I've never thought she might be gay, so days gone by, we got to know each other more. I suspected that she might have someone special in her life and figured out that she's been with a lady. Knowing this and the interest she showed in me, gave me the courage to ask her out, otherwise I'd never ask her out, for sure. I thought I had made clear that it was a date, I told her that we're going to be only two of us etc. and we were both really excited and anxious, when I asked her out (like a couple of teenagers not knowing what to do). The date ( at least it was a date for me) went absolutely fabulous, I didn't understand how the time passed. In the middle of the night, I expressed my feelings about her,she didn't say much as we were in a concert, but she seemed very happy about it. And then I've done something really stupid and asked her whether she's with Jessica, she was shocked and terribly horrified. She just said she's just a close friend of hers, and she was not gay, but after that day, she does not speak with me at all. People are not so open about their sexual preferences in the city I live. So what I am wondering is, is she horrified because I suspected that she's gay/bisexual? I had spoken with her after the date, she said it was OK, she was just so surprised to hear that I was gay,but still does not talk with me, turns her head the other way when she sees me. I am asking myself if she's not gay, than why she is so afraid and does not talk with me. The other thing is I have a really outgoing personality and comfortable expressing my feelings to the people I am interested in (she might read this as I am open to everyone about my sexual preference, and therefore she does not want to be seen with me). I'll be really grateful if I can have your thoughts.
She might be homophobic. She might have thought of you as a nice friend and that you "really liked" her but as a "friend." She might not want to be with you after she understood that you liked her more than just a friend. I think she got scared when you asked her and just doesn't want to be with you in fear that you may try to get too close to her. Just relax and say hi if you want to because you can't really force someone to like gays and you can't really force someone to be your friend. I know its awful. People are afraid of the unfamiliar. But that's just the way the world is. Maybe she might be interested in getting together only with a group. But anyways, don't worry. You can find plenty of other people who understand lgbt people and treat them just like they would treat anyone else. ---------- Post added 3rd Aug 2014 at 12:03 PM ---------- Plus that fact that people assume that gays would "turn" them gay too so they avoid us. It's just a messed up world.
Actually I am pretty sure she liked me more than a friend, you understand it from her looks, the way she touches you, makes body contact whenever she has a chance, how she laughs at my jokes eventhough they are not funny at all (sometimes), she used to try to catch my looks and smile, when she was passing by, she found small excuses to stop by at my desk etc. So I was really not expecting this behaviour from her, and everything was going very well until I asked her about the woman she's seeing. Then all her behaviour changed, did she feel busted about being gay, or having an affair, I don't know. I don't think she's homophobic, because I remember while one of our lunch with her, she came across with a gay male friend of hers, and she seemed very close with him. What about you out there, especially the ones who are not open at work, or closeted, would you feel it as a threat and cut all the relationship with that person?
Hmmm.. After reading what you said, I think your right. She might indeed be afraid of being outed. Other than that, I don't understand her behavior. You may be right. ---------- Post added 3rd Aug 2014 at 06:50 PM ---------- Well, you can try to continue to be with her like you always have and see how things play out in the future. I don't know...:/
why are you still assuming she is gay? she has not told you, until then you really need to stop labeling people you meet. i don't know how a girl can tell another girl is gay because, well, they typically act like girls.. honestly, maybe this other girl in her life is just a roomate or close friend? maybe she is gay, maybe not, but until you hear it from her you really should focus on building a friendship before you start asking people on a date unless you are already positive you know their orientation (ie they told you). IMO it's much better to build a friendship and get to know a person before telling them you have feelings for them because that is a huge bomb to drop on someone if the friendship isn't strong enough. even if she isn't straight, it might of been really awkward for her to hear what you told her (expressing your feelings). give her some space, if she really liked you like you say she will come around. if she doesn't, well then you know the answer. i'm a little blunt in my posts but my opinion comes from the heart
I thought we've already built that friendship, I know her personality, if I didn't come forward, she'd do nothing, she's a bit shy.Yes I could have chosen a more logical and safer path, which I was planning, becoming closer to her, but everything was going so wonderful that night and even after I told her my feelings about her she was still so happy to be with me. Then I felt confident enough to ask about the other woman, that stupid moment, any answer was no use for me, I still regret asking her about her relationship. I think I just wanted her to know that I know and she can trust me, but these were all my assumptions and not all of us think the same way, so now she moved to another office location, and I'll not see her ;(. Actually I still believe she liked me, as you said it was a huge bomb on her, she should be calmer now, but I don't know how I can come across with her again. I can't ask her out again, I don't want to scare her anymore. Do you have any suggestions?
Any ideas how I can get in touch or come across with her ? any made up excuse that might be convincing?
