i have this friend well we are so close or so we were so close he stops talking to me from time to time and even stopped calling and messaging me and he started to borrow money from me and once wanted to borrow a lot of money from me after he did a lot before but i didnt give him what he wanted i said i dont have after that he started to distance him self from me and stops talking to me unless i send something to him he respond normally after two month of not talking to me i sent an angry messages he said he was sorry and that he will return the money he borrowed from me before as soon as possible and that he was just busy and having problems i said i understand but two month is too much we are best friends i stopped talking to him i felt being used i feel like he only talks to me when he wants something like money i just stopped talking to him as well he sent a message before two days saying he needs to see me so he can give me back the money i ddint respond today he called me and i didnt answer i feel used and im not comfortable at all anymore should i stop talking to him ?? or i should ignore all this its normal ?? btw during the two month i send messages to him and he doesnt respond also we have been friends only one year he wants to see me asap only when he wants something like a hat or something to borrow he is poor and he doesnt have a house and im the only one who gives him anything if he ask for it i felt like i was being used all the time and this two month thing without answering because i didnt give him what he wants was all because he doesnt love me for real he think im rich and i can give him everything he dont have and i dont want him to be my friend if its like that he always say im rich and all what should i do :dry:
Idk this is complicated.. He doesn't have a house? He is homeless? Well if that is the case, he probably does need help. At the same time though, your friendship should NOT be conditional on you giving him stuff. That isn't friendship. It's good to help a friend out, but he should be your friend whether or not you give him stuff.
Well, I learned in my therapy group that there are three things at play when your in a relationship: your objective, your relationship, and your self esteem. Most of the time one thing will be more important than the other. You have to decide whether you value his friendship or your self esteem. Balancing relationships is really hard. Try to think whether it would make a difference to you if you helped him a bit more and didn't get anything in return, if it wouldn't seem that bad then go ahead and help your friend..but if you believe that he isn't being a real friend and is using you, then you have to make the decision to take care of your own self...another choice would be to help him just a bit if he really needs it and then see how it works out, whether he does behave as a friend or not. This way you won't feel disappointed about losing your money. Remember, you have to make the choice.
maybe he stops talking to you because he felt bad that he doesn't have the money to give you back? why did you give him money, because you care about him and didn't care if he paid you back? or because you thought you'd buy his friendship by giving him money? or because you're doing it as a friend and thought he would pay you back in a timely manner? you have to decide why you give him money and how you feel about giving him the and go from there. i normally do not lend money (expect it back) because lets face it, typically people just don't value someone doing them a favor and repay back. i only lend money to people who i care about and it would be okay if they didn't pay me back (because they just didn't have the money). some people say giving money to people is a self-esteem issue, but i don't think that is always the case.. sometimes when i see a homeless person i give them money but i do it for a few reasons... not only am i helping someone who is unfortunate, maybe in return my life will be filled with positive things by helping other people? i always believe if you have a good heart you will be more likely to be blessed than those people that take others for granted. it's really not difficult to tell if someone is using you.. if you're really close like you say, maybe he is not using you, and again, only stopped talking to you because he felt bad/awkward because didn't have the money to repay you. if he stopped taking to you, coming in and out, even before you started giving him money then it may be time for you to distance you're self from this person as he could be one of those toxic friends that only come around when they need something or are in trouble and they know you will help them.. and if you continue to do this then yes, it will erode your self-esteem.
i gave him money cause he said he need it and will pay back ever since we were friends he ask me for stuff i just feel used and he always stop talking to me from time to time like im some stranger sometimes i dont think though that he cant pay me back he said he is working in the mall people there get paid well i told him that money is not a problem anyway but as he cameback for more and when i said no he became a stranger so im just mad this isnt the first time im used im not rich i dont buy friends but they use me cause im so kind or so i was im not as i was im kinda changing slowly these days i feel like i have to stop being the very nice guy and start to care about myself more than i always do for people which only hurts me im just afraid that im hurting him btw he is homeless and i even searched for a house for him and more ive done so much for him and thats what i get in return
