Sorry if this post is too long, too moany, in the wrong place or whatever, I'm new here I'm not really sure why I'm writing this post, or joined this forum. I guess I just need to vent some of my feelings and frustration, and although I have friends for that (who have been amazing btw), they will never truly understand what I am going through. Ok, so I have been out for a while now, to close family and my year at school. For the most part, I am happy, I've had absolutely no problems at school, my friends have been amazing and hugely accepting. Now when I go home, I'm not so happy. My mum seems to be ok with it all, but I can imagine it was a bit of a shock so she's kind of closed off from me a bit, which I can understand and she'll come round. My dad on the other hand - he didn't say a word to me for 3 weeks. Things are improving, bit it's not like it was before, he still excludes me from family conversations and I can see that my sister comes before me. My friends are all telling me it's probably in my head, but it's there, his mood changes in a second when he starts talking to me, and it reaaaaally gets me down sometimes because I haven't actually done anything to deserve this. Now, because my dad has reacted in this way, my mum told me to hold off from telling more people until my dad has come round more. For the most part, I have stuck to this, telling people on a need to know basis and if someone asks me I'll tell them. However, twice now, whilst drunk, my mum has told people she's with about me being gay, and has caused me to feel extremely uncomfortable (I should point out here that my mum isn't an alcoholic or anything, just we had friends gatherings etc. around the time). It's not like the people she has told I have a problem with, I just feel pressured into rushing things, and I feel like she's making it awkward for me, because I am now more reserved around the people she has told. As well as this, also whilst drunk, me being gay seems to be the only thing on her mind - I'll just be talking to her and she'll suddenly go off on one about how I should come out to everyone we're with and that'll make it easier for me. I'm not ready for that, and her always thinking about it also makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm not really sure why. I don't really know what I'm saying here, you must be thinking why is this guy so annoyed with his mum for outing him to people when he doesn't care if people know. The truth is, I have no idea. I've literally been going around in circles for months and I don't really know what's going on any more. So yeah that's what's on ma mind, any help or advice would be appreciated
Sorry your parents are making things hard right now, but congrats on coming out to them! That's a tough step and you did it already. It's okay for you to feel uncomfortable with your mom outing you--no matter who it is. That's your business and if you don't want her to tell people, you are completely within your rights to say so. Especially since it was her saying that you should cool it on telling people. It should always be your choice to come out and anyone who has the ability to out you to someone should always be aware of your preferences in that situation before they do so. Anyway, welcome to EC! It's always nice to find a place where so many people understand what you're going through!
It sounds like your relationship with your Mum is better than with Dad at the moment, so can you ask her why she is telling people you are gay, even though she has asked you not to? There is no logic to that. It may be that she is telling people 'in drink', but the principle remains. She is giving you mixed messages and that's not fair. As for your Dad, just give him time. When we tell our parents it's a lot for them to take in and they have to go through their own process of coming to terms with it, just like we do ourselves. If it takes us a long time, we have to understand that it may take them some time too. I'm sure it's hard for you, but at least there are some signs of improvement.
