The other night my boyfriend came out to me. He said he did not identify as male nor female but as both and preferred being androgynous. However, I am a very strong, confident, independent woman who always identified as a woman and straight. I NEVER had issues with people around me identifying differently, all i ever saw were people who lived different lives then me. But I have always know I need a masculine man to compliment me, but someone sensitive enough to understand me. Its a fine balance that is difficult to make or even find. My boyfriend and I have had an amazing connection. we fell in love at first sight, we moved in with each other within a week and its been over two years. We have stayed amazingly strong. But his more feminine side is.. more feminine then mine and I find myself often frustrated with the cry spells, the miss communications and complete mood swings I have only known fellow women to go through. As of right now he is in the other room and we are lost. We don't know whether to break up so we can be the people we were meant to be or if we could make this work. We love each other more then anything..But I literally don't know what to do, and im so distraught over losing him.. its like losing a part of me. I have never felt this way with anyone else in my life.. But I am so lost, so please... if anyone has any advice on how I can save my relationship and allow him to be androgynous, the way he was designed to be without this.. mess?.. please please pleas...
Well, he came out to you the other night....could that be the reason for the stress and confusion? Obviously you are having a hard time with it, anyone would, but you should know that he is the same person today that he was two years ago.... You have lived together and should know each other very well.... Does it matter if he likes to be androgynous...after all... He was himself all this time, wasn't he? I think you are having a hard time with his coming out and so could he be since it's not easy. Just try to relax and give yourself a few weeks to get over it and you will begin to see things the same way as you did before. Most of us have partners that are not perfect. We all have our own unique personality traits. Sometimes it's best to learn to accept everything in regards to our partners. Please don't break the relationship like this, you should try to relax for a while and try to make it work. Does it matter if he feels androgynous? Do you not still love him? These questions may be easier to answer after a break, give yourself time to accept change. Good luck.
No, he's not going to become anything that he isn't already. He won't "become gay" because of this realization. Sexual orientation and gender identity are not at all the same. He may realize things that he never discovered about himself, and I think it's wonderful that he feels open enough to share them with you. But people aren't caterpillars - we don't morph, we grow. He's still the same person, he's just sharing this part of himself with you. Whether it's because it's important to him to do so, or you're important enough to do so. He doesn't say that you're any less of a woman just because you're not as feminine as other women. It doesn't change your feelings about you. Just as his not identifying as male or female doesn't change the way he feels about you.
Please give both your boyfriend and yourself some time. He just came out, it's a very new and confusing experience for both of you. He is most likely still trying to cope with it, and afraid of what might happen between you. Give him some time. Give yourself some time. Give it some thought. Give it some love. This person loves you, very, very much. And you love him. Him coming out does not suddenly change who he is, or what he thinks of you. I would also like to note that I don't believe that he's acting more feminine "All out of a sudden" or "Only since he came out" - You are shocked by his coming out, and trying to understand it all, suddenly seeing things like him being extremely feminine EVERYWHERE, it's a desperate gut reaction, but a false one. You need more time to process it all.
