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In a hetro relationship, crushing on a girl

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tyogani, Aug 5, 2014.

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  1. Tyogani

    Tyogani
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    I'm in a long term relationship (5 years) and getting married next year. Our relationship is generally strong. I'm also bisexual, but never been with another girl, something that I'm getting more and more frustrated with. I currently have a major crush on one of my colleagues (senior to me, making it more awkward). She is out and proud. Occasionally she shows some interest in me but can be quite hot and cold so I don't really know how she feels. We have a close friendship and I have recently told her I am bi.

    This is really messing with my head, I never thought I would be the type to cheat, but I really feel like there's a whole part of me that I need to explore and express and can't. It's all I can think about. I've tried talking to my other half but he finds my bisexuality hard to take in or discuss and is scared I will cheat. I've not told him about my feelings for my colleague.

    It's getting to the point where I'm less interested in sex with my partner because all I can think of is being with a girl, however I am confident I am bi, possibly with a slight lean towards girls.

    Has anyone been through similar. How have you managed to talk about it with your partner. Have you actually been able to experiment with same sex partners whilst in a relationship, if you have, how did it work out?
     
    #1 Tyogani, Aug 5, 2014
  2. Black Raven

    Black Raven Guest

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    Well... I've been there.

    What you need to do is sit down with your future husband and tell him how you feel.
    You cannot supress your urges forever, that's not healthy, and won't make you happy, not long-term.

    If there are some things you really need to do before being linked to one person for life, you NEED to speak about them with your husband. He deserves to be in the know, and you deserve to be heard.
     
    #2 Black Raven, Aug 5, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2014
  3. bicomplicated

    bicomplicated
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    I agree with Black Raven. Fortunately when I started experimenting with my bisexuality, I wasn't in a relationship with a man so I could just be in a relationship with a woman. I've went back and forth towards men and women though I have dated more men. For me, it's more about personality that I fall in love with rather than gender. But anyway, some men I dated I never came out to and was faithful. Other men I came out to I was faithful to but they didn't really understand bisexuality. The only partners who I totally click with and understand me have been bi men or bi women.
    And if you have sexual feelings that you haven't explored, it is probably best that you do explore them. You will just be unhappy if you don't. However, do not cheat please. Don't go behind your partner's back. It will just end up hurting you both. Have an honest discussion with your partner. Hopefully you guys can come to an agreement and figure this out. Let him know that your desire to be with women needs to be explored but it does in NO way diminish the love you have for him (if this is how you do feel; that is what I felt I got from your post). Just talk to him. I am sure you guys can work it out. Good luck to you.
     
    #3 bicomplicated, Aug 6, 2014
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