Hope this is in the right section. Tomorrow I'm going to see a counselor for what my mom calls my sexuality "issue." I'm not necessarily being forced into it I guess, I could say no and I tried to before but my mother always gets so angry and I wanted to avoid such conflict so I agreed to try going. My family is Catholic, the counselor is Catholic, and they hold the views against homosexuality. I personally don't have any particular religious views at the moment, and it really just comes down to the fact that I don't agree with what they say about it... I don't want to be alienated from my family, and I don't want them to think that I want to alienate them. But I know that if I live the way that makes me happiest, my relationship with them will not be well. My mother has asked me multiple times if I am "ready to live a chaste life." So I guess it's date men or no one at all. I'm assuming that this is what the counselor is going to try and help me do. I just hate talking about it right now because it makes me feel so ashamed. I have no idea what I'll say during the session. I think my biggest concern is what I'll have to tell my mother afterwards, which will most likely lead to another big conflict between us. Should I just prepare myself? Tell her whatever she wants to hear? I feel trapped and nervous. I hope this message is coherent, ahah. Any help or advice at all is greatly appreciated.
I think there are laws in some places where minors can't be forced to attend gay conversion therapy because that is basically going to create emotional and psychological harm to the individual. You should say no and make your stance clear. But if you really don't have any option, you could go along with it cuz after all think of it this way: if you are gonna have to bear the therapist, then he will have to bear with you too!!...you get what I mean. Or you can simply tell your mom no and stand up for your right. Or try to come up with some sort of a deal that wouldn't be so hard like you going to a bible group instead of the therapist...you could bring out other points like insurance or costs vs free bible group...you could talk about distance to get to the therapist being farther than the church if that is the case, etc you should try to negotiate it with your mom. Or just say no.
Hi, So Washington doesn't have a law banning conversion therapy, but there's strong support for it. And, of course, it's condemned by everyone credible in the field. Be aware that some of them are more subtle than others and try and imprint in your mind various ideas to convince you that you're not gay. So keep in mind that any links they try to make between relationships with your father, or angar at men, or close relationships with your mother, or any of a thousand other things... have nothing to do with your sexual orientation, as much as your counselor might try to insinuate otherwise. Ultimately, your mom will come around and will deal with it. In a way, she is just still going through the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptnace); she is in the "bargaining" stage where she's saying "OK, my daughter is gay, but we can send her to a counselor and 'fix' it." Once she eventually realizes that isn't possible, then I'm pretty confident that her caring for you will take precedence over her attachment to her religion, and she'll find a way to reconcile the two. One solution might be to say that you'll agree to go to therapy, and genuinely be open, but you won't agree to see a Catholic therapist. Pretty much any reputable therapist on the planet, whether or not they specialize in LGBT issues, is knowledgeable and skilled in working with LGBT clients and won't try to "convert" you. The only ones who do are the religious quacks. So as long as you get a "generalist" therapist who doesn't have a religious leaning, you should be able to find someone who will be your ally, and may actually help you educate your mother. This is really tough right now, and it sucks, but you will get thorugh it. And one of the strong assets you have is that your mother truly loves you and as much as it doesn't seem like it, she's trying to look out your best interests in the best way she knows how, even though she's, for the moment, pretty ignorant on the issues. She'll get there.
Thank you both very much for your advice. It actually went a lot better than I expected. I was asked some silly questions ("when was the last time your dad hugged you?") but the counselor didn't try to change me. We came to the conclusion that a support group for my mother would help in her coming to terms with it and then we could maybe talk about it easier. When my mother received that news, she was offended So, it ended in a fight like I expected and now I'm going to a Catholic support group while she's going to the support group for family members. I'm not sure when that will be exactly but my mother contacted the group for their meeting times. Apparently they don't make those times public because they don't want people protesting or stuff like that. So that kind of worries me, but after my better experience with the counselor I'm willing to give it a chance. Though I definitely have my guard up and won't hesitate to say no to whatever they might try :/ I was seeing someone previously for more general therapy but, again, my mother has extreme resentment towards anyone without the Catholic view and will not let me see her anymore. Anyway, thank you again I can get through this.
