1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mixed signals

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by 4AllEternity, Aug 5, 2014.

  1. 4AllEternity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2012
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This is a bit long, but I've made an effort to just summarize things so bear with me please :slight_smile:.

    I met this guy at work (but not at my usual store) who's a fair bit older than me. We're both in our twenties, but I'm early and he's late. He caught my eye the first time I saw him because I thought he looked pretty cute; and I just had a hunch he was gay (just the way he interacted with female customers/coworkers vs male, body language, etc). I also caught him shooting me glances/acting nervous around me, and I wasn't doing anything that could reasonably make him uncomfortable (I as a rule will not openly flirt with guys who I do not know are gay/bi, for their sake as well as mine).

    So when I got an opportunity and justification to talk to him, I chatted him up a bit about his position in the company. Just casual friendly stuff. He seemed really enthusiastic about talking to me, rambling on, etc. He also ended up training me and some other people, and again in the conversation I got a vibe that he was into me. Keep in mind at this point I'm still just being friendly and haven't tried any actual flirting.

    I eventually talked to him a bit about a tv show and used that as a pretense to tell him to add me on facebook so I could send him a cool clip related to it. I told him to look me up when he had a minute as I was walking away to join the main group (we weren't on break), but he insisted on pulling out his phone and adding me on the spot. Cool. He likes my profile photo later. Even cooler. I surf his wall a little bit and see literally no sign of any relationship on it ever, woman or guy. His sexuality is NOT specified in his about page. There are a few stereotypical gay stuff like going to spas with female friends, but obviously there are straight people who do those things so I really can't make a call based on them.

    Summing up the next few days; the first conversation we have is really enthusiastic. We're going on and on about these shared interests we have, and getting mutually excited about them. However after that one conversation, the rest were rather brief; he'd always reply a few times and then seemingly stop putting any effort into keeping the conversation going. There's no way he thinks that he's bothering me or anything, because a couple of times I tried leading the conversation, but literally the moment I stopped keeping it going it would just fade out. He also sometimes will read a message, and then not reply for an hour. I'm not spraying him with questions or huge ass stories; they are literally just casual messages he could reply with single sentences if he wasn't interested in getting into a conversation. Or you know, just say "busy sorry talk later". So it's a bit odd and irritating that he instead consistently waits 20-60 minutes between each reply in a single conversation.

    Normally I would just assume that he's either straight/not interested, but the frustrating thing is he does keep initiating conversations on his own. He'll ask me how my weekend was out of the blue, tell me about things going on at work etc. But when I start talking to him, he just drops the conversation after a few back and fourths.

    I'll say one thing about me, is if you met me, you're going to assume I'm gay (I'm actually bi). I have a crazy scene kind of hairstyle, I wear bright clothing, skinny jeans. I have the gay body language completely down, etc, etc. And I am out as bisexual on facebook (it's clearly specified in my about page). So there is no way in hell he doesn't know my sexuality. At this point I feel like if he was not interested he would just have said it to me kindly (because he seemed pretty confident when we first met) or made some effort to hint that he was not available/interested.

    What's weird about this whole thing is he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, had a really high reputation of reliability among his staff, so it just seems so odd that he would act this way. I would assume that perhaps he's taking bad advice from someone to increase my interest by seeming unavailable (we've all heard that one before). But the dumb thing about that possibility is that it's clearly preventing us from having real conversations; instead we just keep having these really short convos that he initiates. So as some kind of tactic it's pretty obviously sabotaging things.

    TL;DR Cute, likely gay guy I met is initiating conversations with me regularly but not putting any effort into them, and constantly taking forever to reply in each conversation. This is all despite me giving him space and not smothering him.

    Anyone have any experience with someone like this?

    ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2014 at 09:34 PM ----------

    Welp, this can be considered closed. Turns out he got a new job and is moving away :frowning2:

    Fuck. This is literally the 4th time I've met someone that I felt that exciting feeling towards who ended up just disappearing from my life soon after I met them. I've been in other relationships, but I've still yet to be truly in love in any of them. Guess I just have to wait some more :frowning2:
     
  2. 4AllEternity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2012
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ugh, so turns out he's not moving away, he just assumed I would understand "I've got a new job, I'm going to X soon" meant "I'm going to X but I'll be back".

    So ignore my edit x)

    At this point I'm just looking to establish what direction this will go in. I won't be devastated if it doesn't work out (I sure was disappointed when I thought it was for sure). But I can't stand it being up in the air :frowning2:. If he's not interested I really hope he'll just grow a pair of balls and kindly tell me so. That way I won't be stuck on this and can move on to the next possibility :slight_smile: