End of first lesbian relationship :-(

Hi guys

Ended my first lesbian relationship on Monday night. We had been going out almost 4 months - we had become very attached, and were talking about moving in together at some stage.

However, there were problems which were emerging. Things about her I liked initially were becoming problematic (her independent, sparky spirit meant that she was starting to resent being in a relationship and taking it out on me, through bickering and subtle undermining). I think it was just moving too fast for both of us - passion and lust had gotten the better of us. I also think that were fundamental differences between us temperamentally - me more gentle, reflective and giving - her more verbally expressive of negative emotions, and generally more proactive/forceful.

When it was good, it was good. When both happy, we greatly enjoyed each other's company. There were moments of great tenderness. We had good chats about everything under the sun. But it was breaking, and I stand by my decision to end it.

But I felt such enormous passion towards her. And I am so sad to be apart from her. I am missing her. I don't miss the aggro. But I miss staring into her eyes lovingly, of holding her hand, of waking up next to her. I'm swinging between relieved and great sadness.

Being in this relationship, has indirectly meant that I have had to come out more. And it has given me confidence and affirmation of my orientation. Being with a woman has felt so much more 'natural', and I have felt so much more comfortable in relating to another woman in a relationship, rather than a man. Plus, sex makes more sense now.

I suppose in a way this was a 'coming out' relationship - I wanted to be out, visibly out and enjoy what I have been missing all these years. Despite this, I am genuinely gutted I had to end it - as I was very fond of her and was very attached.

 

Thank you, I guess I'm just hurting a lot and am very sad. I adored her. But I could see we were making each other unhappy. Our work-life balance was becoming even more out of whack as the limited spare time we did have, was together, invariably when we were shattered or up early the next morning. This was another strain. Added to that, our respective careers are both incredibly stressful at the moment, and ultimately as a result of that we haven't had enough emotional energy to support the other person. But now there feels like there is a massive gaping hole where she is supposed to be.

Thanks again.

 

Just an update - after a week apart, I contacted her again to try things again - this time at a slower pace. So far, it seems to be going much better and there are a lot less misunderstandings as we are communicating so much better now :icon_bigg

 

I have realised too, that I myself am not perfect either, and am just as flawed in my own ways - so it's been a learning curve...