First and foremost my parents are nice people, they aren't homophobic or mean nurtured in the slightest. My Brother on the other hand whilst I don't believe is homophobic, he also inst exactly sensitive in the slightest way. This isn't so much a problem as it is a perplexing situation in which I am unsure as to how I can proceed. (In comparison to some of the poor people on this site my troubles are nothing) I came out to my parents last year after a closet induced state of depression drove me to breaking point. It was....Awkward, my mother couldn't seem to quite understand what a Bisexual even was and the only question she could think of asking was "Does this mean you want to have sex with other men?". Naturally that was one of the most awkward situations I have yet to experience. My Dad on the other hand seemed shocked at first and spent the rest of the night in absolute silence. for the following weeks he started getting depressed which I naturally assumed was a side effect of my coming out. These two events both made me almost retreat back into the closet never to speak of It again. The problem I have is that I am getting older and am starting to crave relationships, I am going to University soon but I am staying at home for financial and convenience reasons. Should I ever get into a relationship with another guy how the hell am I supposed to handle the situation. My Mum has already told me that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me sharing a bed with another guy which I would feel fine with as I can appreciate that it would take time for my parents to get used to me having a boyfriend (They cant do all of the work). The second part of the conundrum is that I haven't even come out to my Brother yet! He is actually the one who put me into the closet in the first place after he found Gay porn on my browser history (Years ago) and he told me that It would kill my Dad if I was gay (I know I'm not Gay but its the same mine field of stupid). I am certain that he has forgotten about the Porn just as my Parents have forgotten about me coming out in the first place. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Also just for the record there is no danger of me being kicked out and none of my family are religious in any way. (I can appreciate that my situation is a good one in comparison to some peoples)
Odds are that you aren't going to find a boyfriend instantly. Even if you do, you can sleep (or not) at his place, or even pool your resources for the occasional night/weekend/holiday at a hotel if you want. In the longer term, you aren't going to live with your parents forever, either just on general principles, or because you and a boyfriend could pool resources and get a place together. If you were straight, you probably wouldn't be telling your parents any details about your sex life, and unless they were in major denial they would presumably take it as read that you were probably sleeping with your girlfriend if you introduced one to them or moved in with one. The same applies here. Introduce them, or say you are moving in with them and leave it at that. You may reach a point where you wish to be openly affectionate with your boyfriend. However, with time your parents will hopefully reach a point of being comfortable with your orientation and relationships - they may just need some time (and the reality of a boyfriend as a person, not an abstract concept) to get used to it. You've come out to your Dad and it does not appear to have killed him. You mention his depression, but don't indicate if this is ongoing or if you have learned of other possible sources for it (you imply that there are other sources). If you haven't already you may want to talk to your dad and see if you can work things out - but either way your brother was wrong on this point. He may or may not take it well, but denying yourself a happy life because your brother may be a jerk about it doesn't seem like a very productive approach. It's your life - he can support you or not, but you shouldn't let his approval control you. My 2c worth, Todd
