I had a one-night stand with a guy shortly out of college and became HIV positive. I've come to terms with it, and am doing well (on medication, etc), but can't shake the feeling that the moment I meet someone great and finally tell them, they'll run in the opposite direction. Now, I don't have any issue telling the person, but am a bit concerned that I will lose any interest from a guy once we get to that point. You hear people say all the time that you have to be "DDF," "Clean," or whatnot... I just feel unclean or damaged. Like, what right do I have to expect anyone to stick around. Of course, there's always the possibility of finding someone who is also positive, but I don't want to be with someone solely because they're also (+). That would be like settling for any guy simply because he was gay. I guess I'm curious how big of a deal this still is (from what I see online, it's still a bit biased against POZ guys), and whether telling someone from the beginning is better than waiting until we have a better idea of where things may be heading?
I'm probably a few years away from wanting to be in a sexual relationship with someone, but I'd like to remind you that you are more than just test results. You are not damaged or unclean. Assuming that you bathe regularly you are totally clean . I'm really glad to hear that you are doing well. And for anyone that just sees you as your test results probably wasn't the right person anyways. Personally I think you have to be pretty shallow if you break up with someone because of being positive. I wouldn't call being positive a dealbreaker, but more of a speed bump. Pharmaceutical companies seem to be close to releasing condoms that kills HIV. Not a perfect solution, but it's something going in your favour. Best, Aaron
Is it a big deal? I won't lie - yes, it is. Many people are paranoid about HIV. The weird thing is - these self-same people seem pretty likely to engage in unsafe sexual practices, with the thought process of "I'll just have sex with 'safe' people, and then I'll be safe". Which of course is the mindset that has led to so much of the spread of HIV and other STIs. I've asked my HIV+ friends about dating and relationships. And they basically said this: Expect a lot of people to run the other way if they know right away. It's best to meet people in a casual social sort of way rather than on a dating site or hook-up site. This enables people to get to know you as a person first, and an "HIV status" second. Lex
