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In love with my bestfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sasuke24, Aug 11, 2014.

  1. Sasuke24

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    I'm in love with my bestfriend he is straight and we have been friends for 12 yrs. He knows I'm gay and accepts me and dosn't treat me different. He knows I have feelings for him. Thru out the years I use to question if he was really straight he did gay things like some straight people do just fooling around goofing off nothing extreme but he told me a few times that if he was gay I would be his boyfriend. But I have come to the terms that we will never be together and I'm fine with that I just want him to be happy and have a family like he wants but it still bothers me that he doesn't feel the same way about me I wish we could have an open relationship or something until we really got in a real relationship with somebody else. More so I would be fine with being fwb but I guess I'm reaching huh I just don't know how to handle this
     
  2. dmarc92

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    Im not very experienced with this type of situation but it seems like this boy isnt as straight as he might think. In my opinion, if he openly said that you "would" be his boyfriend "if" he were gay, that comment suggests he possibly finds you attractive by saying youre his choice. Which would mean he may have thought about being with a guy before, which isnt unusual for a straight male, im sure they all think about it at least once. But considering it could also translate as an opportunity for growth in your relationship, I think telling him what you want would be the best way to go about it. Dont push for it because you cant turn someone gay but let him know you still like him and even though his sexuality is questionable you understand and respect him when he says hes straight BUT if he ever wanted to experiment, you would be happy to be the one he calls on and it doesnt have to mean anything besides just testing the water.

    But before telling him that, are you absolutely sure that you would be okay with an open relationship if you even get one beyond just friends? Because if you promise him you'll just be friends with benefits and he does take that offer and you get attached & push him to be gay for your sake it could end in the extinction of your friendship. Im sure thats the last thing you want so be careful and think this through before you make any permanent decisions.
     
  3. Sasuke24

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    I'm pretty sure he knows I still have feelings for him and tbh it feels like we already are in a relationship he's been at my house for the past month so I don't think I would get my feelings hurt if we was in a open relationship we just don't have sex. Everytime we get into it and make up he tells me he feels like he's in a relationship with me cuz he says I act like his ex girlfriend he is just now getting over her. I don't want to ruin our friendship we been thru so much together I honestly think he's close minded and wouldn't try anything with me because he might like it. I think he has slight feelings for me I think I would be the only boy he would be like this over.
     
  4. dmarc92

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    But he does seem interested in the idea of you and him being a couple because judging from your posts, he brings it up quite a bit. Like i mentioned before, keeping the door of opportunity open by letting him know youre there if he has any curiosity is the best I can give you. Once you've guaranteed your support if he ever does want to try experimenting, it'll be easier for him to confide in you if he skeptical about his sexual orientation. You said he's close minded, so open him up a little. Baby steps. But you dont need to make it serious, just whenever he brings up the topic again let him know if he were to ever be curious that you'll be more than happy to be a guide. I know im very repetitive but this is really the best advice I can think to give you, considering youre not entirely sure if he's gay/bi or even completely interested in you the same way. I wish you the best of luck.
     
  5. Sataniccats

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    You should kiss him and see if he kisses you back if he does then he likes you and is gay/or bi too

    ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2014 at 05:55 PM ----------

    Or play like truth or dare or something and dare him to kiss you if he does he can figure out if he has the feels for guys
     
  6. dapulu

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    If you really really want to try everything and hang onto the last straw of hope, then offer yourself to him if that's what you really want. Get him drunk, tell him that you're up for anything with him if he ever gets curious, and that it's just between friends. Because from your post I get that you want to have sex with him...

    Personally though, I'd suggest moving on. Get over him.

    He told you he's straight, and I've met plenty of heterosexual guys who said "if I were gay you'd be my boyfriend" and they mean it as a compliment. No secret clue.

    I doubt you're ready for an open relationship, and I think you're just deluding yourself into thinking he might have feelings for you. He probably feels great affection and treasures you, as a friend that is. It's called bromance, no sexual stuff, just plenty of affection and care between each other. But it's still a friendship, one with a huuuuge connection and deepness, but still a friendship. Do you really want to lose what you have now for a meaningless sex night? He's not gonna grow a gay heart just from having sex.

    Go out, meet new people, get new hobbies, know yourself better. Don't lose your life waiting for someone who has clearly stated they're not gay...seen a few friends do it to no avail and in this site there are plenty of those stories too.

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but I think is for the best.

    Good luck.
     
  7. scub

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    IMO i would either force yourself to keep what you feel inside or move on and find another friend because i don't think it would be a good idea to keep telling him you want to be with him. he already knows you're gay and knows how you feel about him, so if he were gay and attracted towards you he would show signs/hints that he is interested too. at this point, all you can do is try having a few drinks as someone mentioned to see if he loosens up and/or acts different because people tend to be their true self once they have alcohol in their system.
     
  8. Sasuke24

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    Thanks everybody for the advice but I think I'm going to just fall back a lil bit and bring it up only when he discusses it or something related to it. And it's not worth ruining our friendship over I do talk to other ppl but it's just not the same with him and probably the next time we drink which will be probably this weekend something might come up and I'll just have to go from there I just never had this type of bond with anyone but him