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Pansexual but also Ace… is this sort of person even real?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nekokoneko, Aug 11, 2014.

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  1. Nekokoneko

    Nekokoneko
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    For a long time I thought I was Ace. I'd been with my latest boyfriend for eight years and I'd never had sexual feelings for him. Previously I was in an abusive relationship where I was pressured into being molested and eventually raped by a boy two years older than me. So for all this time I have had no sexual attraction and even an aversion to that sort of scenario. Now I'm finally getting some of it back, but with a few problems. One is is that I think it has to be someone fairly androgynous which I guess it alright that's a thing it seems. Secondly though, I have very little interest in touching someone back. I think it would make me really anxious. This sort of feeling makes me feel really just selfish and horrible but I don't know if it could change. Has anyone ever heard of other people like this? Or of people that just want to give without receiving?
     
    #1 Nekokoneko, Aug 11, 2014
  2. Robins Jacket

    Robins Jacket
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    You're not selfish honey, and yes, this is definitely an orientation. Seems to me like you are asexual panromantic. The difference is the first part deals with sex, and the second deals with romantic emotion felt towards other people.
    This was short so I'm not sure how helpful it was but I hope it did something positive.
    I send love and luck from the states! <3 xoxo (love your subtitle btw)
     
    #2 Robins Jacket, Aug 12, 2014
  3. Nekokoneko

    Nekokoneko
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    I do feel quite bad though because if I was going to be with someone they would have to accept that I don't think I could give them anything, at least not right off. Possibly ever. So it feels like a sort of selfish request but maybe there are people that are sort of just the opposite from me and wouldn't mind giving without receiving. I've just never heard of such a person x__x
     
    #3 Nekokoneko, Aug 12, 2014
  4. Kai LD

    Kai LD
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    I get a huge amount of mental satisfaction for some reason from giving pleasure and it doesn't even matter in that case whether I have an orgasm. Admittedly I haven't had much sex but the pleasure of the other person seems to be what makes me go. Smile on my face either way afterwards if I got the other person to... you know.

    So it's not impossible.
     
    #4 Kai LD, Aug 12, 2014
  5. Nekokoneko

    Nekokoneko
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    Yeah it's a little reassuring to hear there are such people out there! I don't have much experience either and none of it is positive so I'm sort of unsure about… everything x__x
     
    #5 Nekokoneko, Aug 13, 2014
  6. cuddlebewar

    cuddlebewar
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    Ok I actually thought I was alone too. I am pretty sure I am similar to you and I've always had so much trouble identifying as asexual or pansexual whenever someone would ask me, living in this world of dominating labels. I told my future boyfriend, that apparently loves me before we even start dating, that if we are in a relationship I don't want sex or anything sexually related to happen off the bat, or for a really long time. But then sometimes I just think wow I really want to just be with someone and have something sexual with them but feel guilty about doing it and feel no pleasure if I go through with it. Sort of just like ok we can have fun but no touching or talking or anything before and after. I don't want to touch my partner in my current relationship, I sort of push him away a lot, and I always think it makes him sad because I know he wants me to touch him in all ways. I don't know if this is exactly the same as you but you are not alone. No one can really make up their mind, we are always changing and its possibly to settle down with our own creating of a seuality. Like I created my own version of being vegetarian, I can eat fish. Otherwise known as "Pescetarianism"
     
    #6 cuddlebewar, Aug 15, 2014
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