Hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum so bear with me but I really need some advice right now. So just some background information, I'm going to be a senior in high school next year and there is this boy, we'll call him Austin, that was in my french class (and is going to be next year). Essentially I didn't come to terms with my sexuality until late last year, and when I finally did I crushed on Austin for MONTHS. I had never spoken to him but every day in class we would just sit there and stare at each other. We have mutual friends but we didn't actually start talking/get to know each other until this May. Me and my friend (also Austins close friend) basically knew for a fact that he is gay. He is still in the closet but anyone that knows him can tell basically. I think I was crushing on him so hard because he was one of the only other gay (even though it was technically unconfirmed) people I knew and he is very very attractive. But finally after getting to know him better and hanging out with him a few times with other friends, I recently got over him because I didn't find him to be all that interesting. We stopped talking for the most part and in the meantime, for the past month or so, I have been crushing on my straight friend. But here's the kicker: I found out that his Tumblr 'likes' were public (he probably doesn't know that they are public :icon_sad so I went on them and found some pictures of almost naked and shirtless dudes. At that point I started to feel very guilty about going through his private likes, but then I found some very interesting text posts about sexuality and how labels are stupid, and advice on how to feel more comfortable about it. I even found something talking about "if this is a sign to not commit suicide, this is it" which at that point made me very uncomfortable. I just feel so bad about what I saw and essentially getting confirmation of his sexuality when he obviously doesn't want people to know. So my question is, what do I do about this? Should I start talking to him and say something to him about this whole sexuality thing, or do I just let it go? We aren't super close and I haven't spoken to him really in about a month, but I really just want to be there for him and let him know that it's going to be okay. When I was in the process of coming out I wish I had another gay friend to help me through it just so I felt I wouldn't be alone. I'm sorry about the essay I just wrote but for anyone that read it any advice would be greatly appreciated (*hug*) ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2014 at 12:01 PM ---------- Also some important information I left out: I'm not sure if he actually knows I'm gay because whenever he was around me, I would never bring it up because I was scared he would know I liked him. He might've figured it out from some of my tweets but I've never actually told him/talked about it with him. But now that I don't like him and want to be more of a friend, I'm not worried about telling him.
I think you should help him and be there for him cause as we all know it's always hard to find out and except that you're gay and to struggle with it is totally normal. I would have loved to have a gay friend by my side who could help me through it, you probably know how he feels and could help him the best and since u said you would be fine telling him that you are gay I think that would be the right thing to do, I'm sure he would love to have somone to talk about it
I just don't want to scare him or make him uncomfortable. What would I even say to him? Like after a month of barely talking just to randomly tell him that I know he's gay and I'll be there for him? Or would it be better to wait until he comes out to me, which I don't even know when/if that would happen considering since we're not that close.
maybe if he knew that you are gay he would come to you and talk to u cause he would feel more comfortable but then u said u haven't been talking w him for a while idk the thing that u do think about helping him shows that u care about him as a friend even though u haven't been talking so maybe u should make the first step and talk to him about it
It's great that you're taking an interest in your friend I think that if you know that he is gay than maybe you should help him by telling him how accepting everyone has been of you, but you shouldn't tell him that he is gay because he could be offended and even if he is he might just avoid you and ultimately be appalled that you would tell him he IS gay. Let him decide when he thinks it is best but leave it clear in his mind that you are a very supporting person and that those around the both of you are the same I hope I helped
Definitely come out to him! Hopefully he'll bite and start talking about his orientation, but if not, don't push it, and don't mention that you saw his likes.
So, I've hung out with him a few times since I last posted and we're on pretty good terms in terms of talking to each other again. I basically came out to him but we didn't really talk much about it. Now my problem is that all of the feelings that I had for him for the months that I liked him seem to all be coming back again. :eusa_doh:
I think that you need to find someone else that you can be attracted to. I'm glad to see that your friend has been able to talk to you and as a result feels better .
I think you should make this whole situation easier on yourself by eliminating the fact that you were attracted to him at one point and the uncertainty of what you think you learned from his Tumblr or other online stuff. The basic simple truth is that you want to be his friend and help or support him. Be open about your sexual orientation and be his friend. Let him take it from there. All kinds of things could be going on with him or with your perception of him. All kinds of things could happen from this point forward. So be yourself and be a friend. Don't tell him what you think you know or perceive to be an issue. Work with whatever evolves from growing a friendship with this guy going into the new school year.
