My girlfriend has internalized homophobia

Hello all,

This is the first time I've used a forum, so forgive me if the message is too long for this kind of thing. I'm trying to help somebody whom I love dearly, and I would really appreciate your advice.

I love my girlfriend - we have been dating for almost 5 months now, and before that we were really good friends. I've known her for three years now, and I cannot be more happy that we are together. She's amazing

It was a crazy time when we finally took the plunge into "more than just friends" territory, which was scary for both of us. Neither of us had ever been with another girl, and both of us had been (well, we still are) struggling with accepting our sexuality.

She is struggling very hard with homophobia, which is scary for her because she is a lesbian. "I wish I wasn't gay," is a common phrase in conversation with her, and it breaks my heart. She often says, "I wish I could just ignore it" or "I'm sorry that I'm like this" to me. I know that she loves me and wants to be with me, but there is this internal struggle going on with her that is taking a toll on her self-esteem and happiness.

She grew up in a conservative home, so on top of her internalized homophobia, she has to keep our relationship a secret from her family because she's afraid they would disown her. Whew. Deep stuff, right?

Anyways, her past still continues to haunt her, and she's said stuff like, "How is there a God if He lets me go through what I've been through?" And she's been through a lot. She's one of the strongest people I know. The combination of her family, difficult past, internalized homophobia, and the fact that she loves a girl is very overwhelming for her. And all I want to do is help.

It has gotten better - she's learned to trust me, which is very hard for her to do. She's openly gay with my family, because they are okay with me being bisexual (my brother is gay, so they are kind of obligated to love me too!). I've seen improvements and I know that she's trying really hard to be okay with herself. She just gets really down on herself very easily because of everything.

So I guess the questions that I have are about sexuality and relationships. Have any of you struggled this much with accepting yourself once you realized you weren't straight? Any advice? I want to help her have faith, and all I want is for her to be okay with herself. I know that I can't do that for her, but I really love her and I want to be there for her. This has probably been the most difficult 5 months of my life, but the most rewarding all the same. I finally have somebody who gets me, you know? And all I want to do is help her love herself.