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Homophobic Little Brother Driving Me Crazy In A REALLY Bad Way!! Arrrrrrg.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Abi, Aug 12, 2014.

  1. Abi

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    My little 14 year old brother is SUPER DUPER homophobic, I would say one of the most homophobic people I know which is saying a lot actually.

    Well, he is driving me crazy. His little harsh nasty homophobic comments are really starting to make me resent & reject him!! Like just now he said something rude, I was just listening & dancing to the song "Girls chase Boys"-the music video was also on-, my brother suddenly walked into my room and saw the guys with all pink & makeup on and he said real loudly with a laugh "HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That is so gross, what freaks...". :/ I than in response to that awful comment told him to get out of my room and leave me alone. He ruined my good mood!!!!

    I don't hate him but I have always been trying to purposely avoid him for years & YEARS now because of the nasty things he says. I never ever hang out with him because its just so hard not to resent him for his snarky comments he often says. He always wants to hang out with me, though!! He knows i'm trans' & gay but he always says he "knows me better than I know myself and that i'm not a girl", the homophobic comments from him has been coming out of him even before he knew about me. Hes worst than my parents, my parents don't directly insult LGBT people really.



    I'm already planning on just cutting him out of my life when I move out..I hate to be like that but he makes me upset, real sad.

    Hes "nice" to me in some ways, he does not call ME any harsh words directly at least. He also always says he loves me more than anything. I love him, I would DIE for him but it is really tough for someone like me to be around him with his homophobic outlook.

    I don't think talking to him about this would help, he would just get me in trouble with my parents..my parents don't really like me talking about my true self with ANYONE.



    I don't know what to do, he has almost caught me in my mom's dresses a few times..if he ever caught me in a dress than hell would break loose!! He would tell my mother for sure and he would also prob' say something nasty to me. My mum knows about the real me but she does not know that I have been wearing her clothes for over TEN years in secret.

    Please help, I am lost in what to do about my homophobic brother :tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears:
     
  2. Kai LD

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    I really think you should try to explain your feelings to him. Siblings sometimes behave in certain ways as a bizarre way of showing how much they care about you. He might have difficulty expressing it and maybe he doesn't know exactly how much this bothers you. Sorry. I ended up telling my brother after I hadn't seen him in a few years right out that I was bi after he said some homophobic remark. Had to let him know that that really bothered me. I'm sorry. (*hug*)
     
  3. Abi

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    He makes me cry sometimes

    ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 06:18 PM ----------

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Anyone have any ideas??
     
  4. Abi

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    Arrrrrg, lol
     
  5. Abi

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    Maybe I should try to talk to him directly once again.......
     
  6. That one guy

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    If all else fails give the little :***: a slap, that's what I would do.

    More constructively you could just talk to him, but to be honest I think most kids his age tend to be like that, hope you can sort him out (*hug*)
     
  7. WearyWanderer

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    Sorry you have to deal with that. Keep in mind that he's still very young, and will probably be more accepting over time.
    Maybe what you could do in the meantime is tell him that one of your friends is gay or something, instead of revealing yourself to him. Just say that you've grown more sensitive to that stuff since you found out about your "friend", and ask him to stop. Just a suggestion.
     
  8. Abi

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    lol I am going to avoid physical contact, xD he's a little kid

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2014 at 05:31 AM ----------

    Hmmmmmmmmmm
     
  9. Jenna0780

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    Your brother is still very young, and is likely at an age where he may be going out of his way to make you upset, because it gives him attention, as he is always wanting to hang out with you still. Sometimes, siblings have a silly way of showing each other that they're seeking attention (believe me, I have three siblings). Getting a rise out of you may be the only sure-fire way to get your attention. Maybe just ignore the comments, or just calmly say something neutral in return, such as, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

    He may also not understand exactly what you're going through, or may not fully accept it for himself yet. When my mom came out, a lot of her siblings looked at it as if they were losing a brother, when in fact, they were gaining a sister. Though your little brother may not like the idea of a sister, the whole idea is that you're still his sibling, you're still the same person, just with a different appearance. If, other than these situations, he seems mature, I would suggest having a sit-down with him about it, and explaining your feelings.

    I have a sibling that didn't really understand my sexuality, and they would talk about gay or lesbian sex in a really negative way. I just told them that their remarks really hurt me, and that it's already difficult for me to accept myself with my own thoughts, let alone someone whose opinion and views I really value. It's like someone intentionally smacking down all your dreams and desires. What if your little brother wants to get a Lamborghini when he's older, and he dreams about nothing else, and then all you said to him were snide comments about how much they suck, how he'll never make that much money, or how stupid he would look in one. It would hurt his feelings, too, and he likely would shut that part about him down when he's around you, or not want to be around you because it's something he's really passionate about.

    The things that they say about others like you hurts, because you may feel that they're indirectly, or directly, about you. It's understandable. I'm really sorry to hear that you're having to go through this, and I hope that you can either find a way to get him to understand and stop, or that you can manage it. I'd really hate to hear that you lost a relationship with a sibling because of it.
     
  10. Ada M7

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    I used to pick on my brother a lot growing up. We didn't get along until we both 'smoked' together years later. Like 16 or so. We grew closer over the years, especially after he joined the Army Infantry and went to Airborne division (Lol, I joke that I made him want to kill people... it's probably true :frowning2:). I know he is homophobic, but only in regards to being sexually harassed by men.. But seriously who likes being sexually harassed? So I think he will accept me when I tell him since he's open to gay marriage and supportive of the LGBT movement.

    Your brother may one day come around when he realizes you want nothing to do with him. When he's older and he has the capacity to understand when you tell him that you don't want to spend time with him because he doesn't know you, because you are what you are and he makes you feel miserable. When you are moved out, you might tell him that then cut ties and let him think about it for a while.

    Eventually, he may or may not come to terms with it. What more can you do though? I remember you saying you had speech difficulties in another thread, maybe leave him a letter or write him an email when you move out. Have some time to separate and denounce his negativity. Stand up for yourself, he's still your younger brother and he will still look up to your actions. Standing up for yourself is a very important action.
     
  11. Abi

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    Really nice post, thank you

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2014 at 06:05 AM ----------

    Hopefully he comes around
     
  12. Candace

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    Maybe he'll come around when he's older and has matured significantly. I'm hoping that he'll have a real life experience that will change his perspective 180 degrees. I'm so sorry that that's happening to you though :frowning2:.
     
  13. Abi

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    <3
     
  14. hip2hop

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    Perhaps you could also try teaching/educating him on LGBTQ topics. Its possible he is acting out because he doesn't understand or is uncomfortable and doesn't know how to express that. It can be difficult to talk about it, especially if he is insensitive but perhaps you could start with some statistics and hardships the LGBTQ community faces in general then narrow it down from there.

    I hope he comes around because losing a family member sucks :frowning2:. I am sorry that he isn't being very supportive at the moment but I do hope he comes around :slight_smile:
     
  15. Abi

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    I'm really terrified about talking to him about it
     
  16. hip2hop

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    I know it is hard and scary…I went through a similar thing with friends and a sibling of mine. I got to the point where I had to do something because they were so hurtful so I started to talk to them about it….I didn't tell them I was part of the group but I made it general and eventually I told them. Some people can't be helped their beliefs are too strong but what I do know is that if he loves and cares for you he will support you no matter what :slight_smile: