i feel like a fucking toy to my "friends!!" UGH!!

the title says it all!

it kinda seems like i am a toy to them. they become my friend, they hang out with me, get bored of me, drop me, and find someone else better! i even posted it on facebook!

"I sometimes think my "friends" don't even want to be my friends. maybe its because im too annoying, too self-centered, too talkative, or some others. I maybe a toy to them. be my friend until they get bored, drop me, and find someone else. why cant they just be honest with me?? I wouldn't care if their honesty hurts me since ive been hurt several times in my life. if im not meant to have friends, so be it!"

ive been wanting to say that for a while now, but i didn't know how to put it into words. its kinda seems like no one wants to be my friend... :tears: :tears: :tears:

i am annoying, self-centered, AND talkative and so many others that makes me feel lonely. some of the people i talk to on here should know that i am annoying.

 

All my life, i have been isolated from the public world, so, i wouldn't know anything about other's POV.

i kinda had to protect myself and be conscious of bullying and homophobia, but i have my family's help, but i never had any negative things happen to me.

not only that, i don't really do well with people in real-life. on the internet, i don't have to feel picked on because of my facial features (like pimples) and my voice, which sometimes get noticed in a bad way. its obvious im fucking selfish and no one likes a selfish person. yes, i am pessimistic, i know the reason why, but that's a long story.

 

this is actually the first time i ever posted something like this on facebook. i actually been wanting to say it for quite some time, but i didn't know how to put it down.

 

i wouldn't really care if i do get isolated from others. i get close with people, but they don't get close to me, even if i don't show negativity. i also been isolated my entire life, so, im used to it. when i was young, i basically had no friends, and im getting there again. :dry:

 

i didn't care that one of my best friends left my life, i didn't care that i broke off a friendship because i was heartbroken, and, soon, i am about to care less about a friendship i had for over 7 years because my best friend doesn't really care if i am in his life or not.

ive been alone my entire life, doing things on my own.

 

he even told me that he would be fine without the friendship or not. i wont be fine.

since he told me that, that made me reflect on all of my friendships. im just a toy someone likes to play with.

 

nope :dry: he can live without friendships. hes a neutral person that doesn't care how he makes people feel.

 

he has been there for me all my life. from coming out to grieving over loved ones. i wanted to do the same, but he just pushes me away. he doesn't tell me his problems. he says he cares for this friendship, but he doesn't show or give it. i care for all of my friendships, but once this friendship with him is gone, so will my other friendships. i already lost 3 other ones. 2 because he broke my heart by saying he will be fine without. 1 is not because of this.

since he broke my heart, my view on love (i am in love with him) and friendships have changed dramatically.

 

1. i wont be able to get over the fact that my friend is the reason why im having these thoughts, and it kinda shows he doesn't want me in his life.

2. ive been alone all my life. ive been feeling wanted only if i play games, where i don't feel like a toy someone plays with and breaks.

3. don't be sorry. ive been hurt since i was young.