Before I came out to everyone in my life I decided to choose a select few of my closest friends to confide in. They were all very happy for me and very supportive but one friend just... wouldn't accept it? He acted happy like the others but I soon found out that afterwards he started asking everyone if I was being serious and if I was joking. It took alot of convincing from my friends but finally he came to terms with what I told him and everything was fine again, or so I thought. Today he is still my best and oldest friend. I still hang out with him and I believe we'll still be friends long into the future. However there's a problem. If I am having a conversation with him about tv or films or whatever and there happens to be what he considers "A hot girl" in it he presides to tell me all about her. He'd be like "There's this part that you'll love, so there's this really hot chick and... etc." And this happens all the time. I'm starting to feel like he doesn't believe I am gay again. He always talk about women and says how much I'd like them and if I'm honest it's starting to irritate me. He also uses the word "gay" quite obnoxiously around me also (As an insult like..."That's so gay"). What should I do about him? I still want to keep him as a friend but if he can't take me seriously what should I do about him? I have thought about talking to him but he doesn't really deal with heart to hearts very well, he just gets awkward and dismissive :/ p.s: He also confuses me because sometimes if he's describing a man he gets mesmerized? For example the other day he said this: "And there was this guy in there who was VERY good-looking, his eyes, his mouth, his hair... anyway." Any help will be much appreciated
I wouldn't think too much into it, it could just be routine for him. My mates still did it with me for a few months when they saw some fit girl but i'd be fine with it and just joke around and be like "Yeah shes well fit, i hope she has a dick" and we'd all laugh. As for the "thats so gay" thing, i wouldn't know what to do with that because i am not offended at all when people say "gay" as an insult because i know exactly what they mean and i know they don't meant it to offend me, even i say it.
I say things are gay quite frequently tbh. It doesn't bother me, never did before when I was closeted, so it won't now. Everyone is different however! Just think they're not saying it to offend you, it's like saying "that's bullshit", but just not. This whole "that girl is really hot thing" though would irritate me also. Just act like your not interested, don't dismiss him and outright act like an ass, cause you don't want to ruin your friendship! Just reaffirm with him that your gay. If your 100% comfortable with your friends just say to him, remember I'm gay? There's no shame in it. Even if you text him it or something. Either that or, you could just listen to him and just laugh along and act like it's normal. Maybe he just wants a friend who he can talk to about that kind of stuff, cause he has no one else to? I hope I've helped in some way !
I rarely run into this these days, but when I did, I usually countered it with a bit of humor. So if a friend said "I should introduce you to her - she's really hot", I might respond "Really? Does she have a brother?" I did it with a smile, and they eventually caught on. Lex
