I can't stand my girlfriend's best friend

have you talked to your gf about this?

 

oh wow, im sorry has she changed in the time you have known her best friend?

 

Well you have to look at the fact that your girlfriend has started working hard in hopes that you and her can have a better life together. She could have, hypothetically, not done anything and followed in the path of her best friend. But you also have to allow your girlfriend to make her own choices. I would be severely pissed off if my boyfriend told me that I couldn't hang out with my friends because it was becoming a detriment in our relationship. I seriously cannot stand my best friends' friends, so I do understand where you're coming from. At the same time, I learned that I have to trust my friends and that they will make the right decisions and come back to you at the end of the day. From the looks of it, due to the fact that your girlfriend has decided to get her s**t together and start working towards a future goal, presumably with you, then she values you more than her "best friend". Remember that .

 

oh do you care for each other, you and your gf?

 

You don't have to like all of her friends. No one can make you do so and that's totally ok.

But you are going to have to trust your girlfriend. Right now she's probably feeling like she needs to hide this because you're not trusting her. She has made her own life decisions and she chose to clean up her act and get serious about going somewhere with her life and that's great. But it always is going to be her decision to do so. And once she's made her decision, which it sounds like she did a while ago, you're going to have to trust her about it.

And just because you don't like her friend, doesn't mean your girlfriend doesn't know what she's doing by hanging out with her. You gotta start trusting that your girlfriend isn't going to totally screw up just because she wants to keep in contact with an old friend. It's putting your girlfriend in a really crappy position that you're so disapproving of her best friend because eventually, if you keep fighting about it, it's going to come down to a choice for her. And your girlfriend shouldn't have to make the choice between you and her best friend. If it comes down to choosing between the two of you, that leads to a lot of resentment. You don't want that between you.

Trust your girlfriend. If she's as worthy of your love and trust as you obviously believed at one point (otherwise you probably wouldn't be with her) she can navigate this friendship without going back to the lifestyle she chose to get out of.

 

I feel ya. I really do.
There are a few people in my life that I have had to cut ties with because those relationships were toxic for me. But that may not be the case with your girlfriend and this friend. If your girlfriend chooses to stay friends, there must be something good there.

You said yourself that you don't understand why your girlfriend is holding onto the friendship. Maybe you should start by finding out why. Ask your girlfriend about her friend, don't talk, don't try to tell her she's wrong or why you think otherwise, just listen. Try to imagine, based on what your girlfriend says about her friend, why her friend is an important person in her life.

Maybe if you extend an olive branch like that to your girlfriend you both can work together to try and make this easier for everyone. Maybe if you try to experience this from her perspective instead of just your ideas about her friend then it will be easier for you to get where your girlfriend is coming from.

 

No problem! Hey, it's easy to see things objectively from an outside perspective. It's easy to see the way out for someone else because you're not bogged down by the personal feelings and history of it all.

It's hard to do it when it's your life and you emotions, your history, your loved ones, etc. There'a lot to think about and often it feels like there's so much to lose if you mess up. Don't beat yourself up for that. I think that's all just really normal. That's why lots of us need the outside perspective that it sounds like you give to people via your work!