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Not in love with my best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by idefygravity, Aug 13, 2014.

  1. idefygravity

    Regular Member

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    I need some advice on what to do, because I have absolutely no idea.
    So here's a brief summary of events:
    When I was in 8th grade, I was very much in the closet. I would not admit that I was gay to myself, and convinced myself of fake crushes on guys that deep down, I know I was pretending.
    Just before 9th grade, my best friend (who became my best friend in 8th grade) told me she thought she liked me. My response was absolutely terrible, and I still feel bad for hurting her.
    Even though I told her I didn't reciprocate the feelings, I'd always catch her staring. Then, I began to really accept that I liked girls and would tell her about crushes, etc. I could tell that bothered her.
    10th grade continued and I tried to ignore it. Then she gave me this letter. It told me so many things about that last year and that she loved me. And I did something terrible again. I turned away and fell asleep while she waited for a response. I didn't know if I liked her, and I wanted to..but it all just seemed so complicated. Many of our friends were betting that we'd get together and I just felt trapped.
    Now it's before 11th grade. I've accepted myself. Lately when we've been hanging out, I've wanted to kiss her so badly. I think about her a lot. And one night, I told her I liked her. I know that's true. I just don't know what I want out of this relationship. I feel terrible for hurting her. I think part of me is still trying to hope that I'm not gay. I know it's not something to be ashamed of, but somehow, I'm still ashamed of myself. She keeps saying, "We still haven't figured out what this is." I have no idea what I should say or do. Would it be okay to turn this into something more, or should I end it now before anything even starts.

    I'm sorry for the huge paragraph, but I'd really, really appreciate some help!

    Thanks,
    Rissa :icon_redf
     
  2. Candace

    Regular Member

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    I mean, if you two like each other sincerely, then what's the worst that could possibly happen? I don't why there's any reason for you to be ashamed of anything, dear :slight_smile:. Remember that a relationship is more than the "kinky sex and making love", but spending time with someone who is practically your best friend. It's not all about sex. You have the potential to have someone with whom you can share feelings, deep conversations, love, and the latter.
     
  3. idefygravity

    Regular Member

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    That's what I'm worried about, I think.
    I know she sincerely likes me, but what if my feelings aren't real? I feel like I like her a lot, but I'm not sure if there's doubt because I don't know if I want a relationship, or because this is new to me, or maybe because I still don't want to accept myself completely...?

    I think she can sense that doubt, too, but it hasn't seemed to stop her...