Hello empty closets! I really would like your thoughts, young and old, whatever you are. A couple months ago, i downloaded one of those gay dating apps (that no one actually uses for dating), and after ten minutes, I had 107 messages saying anything from "Hey" to "I wanna **** **** in **** my ****". You get the idea. I was so overwhelmed, I just deleted the app and tried not to think about it. I'm 20, never had a boyfriend, never kissed anyone, only finally came to terms with who I am around last year (as in I finally gave up the idea that if I just don't let myself think the words "I'm gay", God's grace will magically cure me of my heinous affliction). But I'm so lonely! I take college courses online, and the guys in my degree program are a certain type. I occasionally talk to my coworkers, but they're in a different world from me, and since graduating high school, I've found that I don't have a social setting anymore to meet people. But I need to meet people, gay people specifically. I only have two lgbtqa friends; one's bi (one of my best friends really) and lives in another state, and one's pan and is going to India soon for awesome humanities work. Let's be honest, I want a boyfriend. I want to get laid. I want picnics and kissing and mischievous smiles from across the room. I've been solely focused on school and work and pretending I'm not lonely, and my online friends are great, but they're online. The distance is vast between us. So I need your advice. Should I download that dating app again? I mean, I could just hook up with someone, see where things go. I just don't know how that would affect me. I don't want to do something I'll regret, but I'm confused as to whether I'm just afraid of leaving my comfort zone, or if I'm being reasonable about this. I'm very image conscious, always have been, and I don't know if this would boost my self-esteem or plunge it.
Expecting to hook up first and then later have a relationship, instead of the other way around, is a recipe for failure. Those apps are for horny one night stands, not for finding a boy to hold your hand and have picnics in the park. As for meeting people, you can go to events such as Pride, join an LGBT club, or do an activity/club where you can meet others (not LGBT necessarily) - such as a camping/outdoor club - and network that way (maybe someone in the group has a gay brother or something). Also, I don't understand when you say that your coworkers are in a different world from you. Are they a lot older than you?
I'd say do not download the app again... Some of those people are creepers and don't actually want to have sex or a relationship with you... This is very similar to any straight relationship. It will take time to find someone, but keep searching. People say getting into a gay relationship is easier, which is true in SOME ways, but not all. People think this because Women play 'Hard to get' when they are Heterosexual, but this always isn't the case, some Men play 'Hard to get', too. But one day, you'll find someone, you'll have sex, you'll kiss on the beach and in the fields on the picnic, you will be happy for the rest of your normal, homosexual life, and you will see the world change around you, your gay and straight brothers and sisters, family and friends, will have the same experiences as you, they will be bi-curious, they will get over it, they will accept who they are, they might have children, they may have a gay boy/girlfriend, they may have a straight boy/girlfriend ,and life will go on. Just remember: There's someone out there who is a lot like you and wants what you want right now... you'll find them.
Thanks, guys. I realize my original post sounded a little frantic hehe. You won't believe this, but right after I posted that, I got a text from my soon-to-be-moving-to-India friend asking if I wanted to go to a gay club. I'm thinking of going, though I'm pretty nervous about it. I'm not much of a dancer. I don't think I'll be downloading that app either.
Wow that's good timing lol! You should go and make a fool of yourself dancing Maybe you'll meet someone. You'll be in a place where you know the people there are gay, and you'll never meet anyone if you never go anywhere.
Keep in mind that clubs and bars are for the most part a physical manifestation of those hookup apps. In other words, most people are there for hookups, not looking for relationships. They can be great to go and dance and sweat off some energy, but they can also be pretty creepy if you aren't prepared for it. I think it's worth it to go and have fun with your friend. As far as finding someone, I generally recommend finding activities and events where gay men are present but not for dating/hookup purposes. In most bigger cities, there are Meetup groups focused on activities. Everything from board game nights, movie nights, pool parties, hiking clubs, book clubs and more if you're in a bigger city. And even if you're not in school, your local college or university likely has a GSA and most are pretty open to non-students who are student age participating. Finally, if there's a LGBT center near you, often they have various social activities that can be an interesting place to meet people.
go to the club make an arse of yourself dancing have a laugh with your friend .as chip mention allot of people will go to clubs to hook up also so stay close to your friend for back up.
go there have fun live your life honey don't stress yourself about having a boyfriend love will find you when you are not looking also about the club as chip said keep in mind that most people there are for fun and fun only but you might meet a friend you never know but don't go because you want to meet someone put that thought away cause it will just distract you from having fun god i wish we have clubs around here T_T
Chip and Tyler have great pieces of advice.. To add a little more to what they said, never give in to pressure just to fit in or be accepted. Be outgoing, flexible and friendly but also be clear and firm with your values. ^.^
