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This is really hard...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kaelang, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. Kaelang

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    Ok, the topic of this thread, briefly is 'I've fallen for my straight best friend'. Cliche, happens a lot but I seriously have no idea what to do.

    Basically, I'm at Uni with this guy and we got quite close mid way through last year. We used to text a lot, speak about his sport (rugby), his girlfriend (and how he wasn't happy) and just general banter. I'm 20, he's 21. We go out drinking alot (getting very messy) and also enjoy the occasional smoke. Now, throughout last year we had a few arguments which led to us stopping talking for a week or so at a time but he'd always text back and explain how he missed me and wanted to get back to how we was etc. He used to come round to my house at 11pm / midnight (even when I should've been going out) just to sit with me and chill and talk about life stuff.

    Now, the last week of my uni year wasn't great for me and him. I did something I regret which led to him being very annoyed with me (because I did something dangerous) and he stopped talking to me for a month or two because he didn't want to see me go down a road he's seen people go down before. He thought the best way to stop that was to remove him so he didn't have any emotions. It's safe to say that didn't really happen as he text me within about 2 months apologizing for being stubborn and again wanting to get back on track with our friendship. Fast forward to last week where we both moved back into our University city.

    Day 1 - I go round to the house, I see him and a few friends and we chill out. Enjoy a smoke and watch some movies. I sit next to him and he elbows me a few times and we cheekily banter flirt with each other. Everyone notices it because it's just what our friendship is like.

    Day 2 - I go round to the house, I see him and a few friends and we drink and go out. We don't speak to each other much on the night because we're both very drunk but end up passed out in the bathroom together being sick, cute right? Anyway, he tells me he's over his ex-girlfriend in the morning and has moved on and asks 'aren't you happy?' because he knows I care for him. Apparently however he has a thing for a girl he's living with, awesome.

    Day 3 - I go round to the house, I see him and a few friends and we drink and go out.. again. This time we spend a lot of time together, talking, flirting, eye contact, the whole package. He comes up to me really drunk and gives me a close hug and tells me that he 'really missed me' over summer and when I didn't reply with 'i missed you too' straight away he got upset with me and kinda forced me to say it, he knew I did anyway. On the walk home he jumps on my back and pulls me to the ground, we playfight etc. We get back to mine and walk upstairs and sit on the coach with a film on, I feel ill so end up going to the toilet being sick, he looks after me for a few hours and then goes home.

    Now, the twist in all of this is that apparently he knew I had strong feelings for him before I even came back to Chester and we've been texting pretty much non-stop since I've been here. I got told earlier that he knew so I decided to text him and confess literally everything to him. He replied with something along the lines of 'you know nothing will happen but i respect you for telling me and you know that you're the one person i can always turn to with anything and you'll never lose me as a friend'. Literally that was it and he was back to telling me about his gym routines.

    I have feelings for this guy and have no idea what to do. He's in my group of friends and we're very close but he'll never feel the same way back. A lot of my friends seem to think he's a closet bi and is just in denial but I don't want to be told this if it's just going to give me false hope.

    Sorry for the large wall of text I just literally have no idea what to do.
     
  2. user123456

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    I'm sorry to say this but I think you will simply have to let it go. He told you nothing's gonna happen. You may suspect him as much as you want, but nothing will probably change.

    He MIGHT change his might, since you say all his friends suspect him of being bi.

    But whether he changes his mind is up to him, not you, and waiting for a moment that is unlikely to come, would tear you from inside. Let it go, and try to be his friend. He seems like a great guy who wants the best for you - it would be a shame if you two parted!
     
  3. Dakeli27

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    Frankly, I could give better advice if it was more summarized, but as far as I see, you have a crush on your straight friend, right? Well, I don't know much about you two, due to your being vague about your backstory (perfectly ok, everyone has a right to their privacy) but I've had a crush on a lesbian before, so here's my advice, especially if you think he might like you: talk to him. Get it over with. Best-case scenario, he does like you. If not, he sounds like he's still a good friend, and being transparent about your feelings, while it makes things a bit awkward, helps you get through it, and helps you both understand each other.
     
  4. DanielSmith

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    Awh damn bro,

    Isnt it a real bummer when you fall for a straight guy:frowning2:

    Sometimes we mix feelings up of bery close friendships to love...

    Im sorry that he isnt interested in you because you sound like a really nice person..

    But its life:frowning2:

    Its good that he is so close and open to you..
    I hate it when you send a heartfilled text and you dont get a nice answer;(

    From what you send I think he may have a gay side... maybe he just doesnt want to admit it..

    Next time you get together drunk.. I know it might be heard but talk to him face to face, let him know its Ok to like men.
     
  5. Blossom85

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    I'm a bi girl and have developer feelings for a gay man. It ended up with me telling him I had these feelings as I was acting a little different (typical
    Girl stuff, being clingy, messaging him all the time) and the way he was when I told him was really sweet. He was more concerned with him hurting me cause he could never feel that way for me. I am glad I told him though as he understands where I am emotionally and we are getting back to where we were before, just being close friends to each other.

    It hurts when you have confirmation of your fears, (that person not liking you back) but once you know, you can start to re-define your friendship once more and begin to move on from those feelings.
     
  6. Kaelang

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    Yeah, like I'm actually glad he knows now and it's weird because we've got even closer. We're spending even more time together and have more conversations about our personal lives. I'm REALLY happy I have him as a friend, I'd just like a little more than that, you know?

    People often say we're actually like we're in a relationship, I just don't get any of the perks of one haha.

    Life.