So im a 24 year old female bisexual. I am not confused im fully aware that i am sexually attracted to both. Im currently engaged to the most interesting amazing man I have ever met who i strongly love, but he doesnt know im bi. He is from Africa and it is against his culture to be gay so im afraid to tell him. We have the same spiritual beliefs. I have been going through an initiation into his culture for the past 3 years. i am fascinated by it the only thing is the whole "being gay is against nature" is difficult for me because i know everyone I associate with is against same sex relations. As a child I was always open about my orientation but something i feel even more strongly about is my spirituality so i am conflicted. Me and my man both have the same goals and i want to move with him to go deeper into our initiation but it will be to a place where being gay is illegal and lesbian is frowned upon.... You know I feel like a horrible person because i love him and he really seems perfect for me, but theres just that occasional desire to be with a woman that i feel im haunted by. I think a big part of it may be that we are long distance right now he is in africa and im in america. Another part may be the fear of never being with a women. i have had alot of relations with men but never really with a woman. I know i want to be with htis man but i also want to experiment with women. I just feel like the typical asshole people think of when they hear the term bi and i really dont want to be that person. I think maybe im just afraid idk... any thoughts?:icon_sad:
Well, he does deserve to know, but tell him in a way that doesn't sound like you might leave him for a woman. Help him understand who you are.
thanks maybe i can slowly help him to understand my love for everyone instead of telling him im sexually attracted to women. i mean does he really need to know? He'll probably be disgusted, confused, and worried that im spiritually sick..... U know its weird because i have always been open i didnt have much friends so its not like it mattered who knew. so most of the friends i did get were all queer too. Now that im focusing on my spirituality i feel like i finally found myself i finally feel understood but at the same time i feel like i am trying desperately to lose the other half of who i was . Every time i think of a woman i feel like a bad person. i feel sick for trying to change who i am and i feel sick for not being able to control my desires. i cant talk to my straight friends about it... and id feel horrible talking to my queer friends about it. i was that person that celebrated and embraced my friends sexuality.. now i dont even really know who i am.... Im trying to become someone better but my idea of better is not alligned with who i am. shit is complicated :/
Put the possible consequences in a scale. I honestly don't think you should marry him unless he knows your thoughts on the subject or unless you accept that you will have to make sacrifices that will change your life by ignoring your curious thoughts with women. He denies what you are or what your other friends are. The feeling of wanting to be with a woman may turn to regret in the future. You may lose some of your queer friends. You are sealing the door shut for any possibility of you getting to know what being with a woman feels like. On the other hand, you love him, he probably makes you feel like the greatest woman ever (Except for the denying sexuality part), and he's a big part of your life. It's up to you.
