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RIP my dear mother .......

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by rayan, Aug 16, 2014.

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  1. rayan

    rayan Guest

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    I only slept 2 hours this morning after a long tiring night . I waked up on a call from a friend telling me that my mum passed away about a month agi :icon_sad: . He called to invite me to his wedding on Oct and then he mentioned that he is sorry for my lost . I didn't get it so i asked him and he told me that my mum died . I felt sad , angry , lost and confused . I couldn't believe it and i called home right away . I was angry how they didn't tell me about that to come to her funeral . When i called home , my brother answered and he told me things that just hurt me deep inside . My mum was the one who asked them not to tell me , and she didn't wish for me to be there in her funeral . Is that all because i'm gay ! . I feel sorry for not being beside her on her last days . I can't stop crying for losing her for ever .But at the same time i feel angry and mad . I never felt that much depressed before . She never called before she died even though she knew she was in her last days . I know i should have called or asked and never stopped trying calling her even when she never answered my calls . I feel like i was the reason for what happened , i can still hear my brother saying that it all happened because of me .
    I can't believe that she hated me that much because of my sexuality .
    I'm thinking , knowing that my family is a very religious one ..... was it right in the first place to come out to them . Is it worth it to come out risking losing my family . I don't know what i'm talking about , just forget it ......
    Regardless the angry and pain , she was my mum and i still love her .
    RIP my dear mother .
     
    #1 rayan, Aug 16, 2014
  2. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    Salam I'm sorry for ur mom may she be in Jannah brother :slight_smile: nd don't worry u are not sinful the quran loves everyone including the lgbt bc it came from god's love :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Rosepetal, Aug 16, 2014
  3. matthewmatthew

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    Just think the happy moment you shared with her, don't think about "all the pain" that she would feel because of your sexuality. If she was in shock or pain because of that, it was her own problem, not yours. Nobody, not even your family, has the power to make you feel bad because your sexuality. Do not believe your brother when he say "all happened because of you" that make not sense. :slight_smile: Your family should be the only one ashamed because of their behavior, not telling you that your mother die is ABSOLUTLY awful.

    Good luck! No one deserves the pain you are feeling right now because of what you like, that's insane.
     
    #3 matthewmatthew, Aug 16, 2014
  4. user123456

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    I don't know how to help you, but this is terrible :frowning2: we are with you!

    Maybe this will sound harsh, but if I were you I would just cut all contact with the family, it seems like they are absolutely not worth the trouble they are causing you. If they can't accept you for what you are, after such a long time, there's no hope for them. Maybe one they, they will realize what their religion is telling them, but until then, stick to your friends and generally people who view you as a human being, not as an incarnate devil. It's important that you feel happy in your life, and while it sucks to not be in good terms with your family, it is THEIR fault that your relationship is bad.
     
    #4 user123456, Aug 16, 2014
  5. Emmanuella

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    I'm so horribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling and my heart stings for you. Please try not take on any of the blame or responsibility. NOTHING that happened was because of you. It sounds like you tried your very best to reach out on multiple occasions and to be as open and honest with your family as possible.

    I can't imagine how much it must hurt to not be able to reconcile with your mom before her passing. But at least she knew/knows on her end that YOU cared and that you wanted her back in your life. I hope you find your much-deserved peace soon enough. Again, sorry for what you are going through.
     
    #5 Emmanuella, Aug 16, 2014
  6. bingostring

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    Hi Rayan,

    That is really sad news - and terrible the way you have been treated must really hurt.

    You have a lot to process right now. Spend some time and do not expect it all to make sense today. In time you will hear more information about their motives.

    BIG (*hug*)
     
    #6 bingostring, Aug 16, 2014
  7. greatwhale

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    Rayan,

    I don't have the words...this is outrageous, and so unspeakably cruel!

    Banish any thought that this is your fault. Any "family" that could do this to one of its own members does not deserve the honour of that word. They do not deserve you.

    My deepest condolences.
     
    #7 greatwhale, Aug 16, 2014
  8. Clay

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    That's horrible I'm sorry for everything that happened to you.

    I think if your family is treating you like that then the best course of action would be to cut them out of your life. They are unbelievably horrible.
     
    #8 Clay, Aug 16, 2014
  9. Rose27

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    Please know that your EC family holds you in this time of immense loss. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You deserve that. Let yourself grieve. Much love and hugs. Rose
     
    #9 Rose27, Aug 16, 2014
  10. Najlen

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    That's terrible! You deserved to be told right away. I'm sorry.
    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #10 Najlen, Aug 16, 2014
  11. phoenix89

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    I am so sorry. In no way is this your fault. I am again so, so sorry. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I know the pain of losing a parent, and I am so sorry
     
    #11 phoenix89, Aug 16, 2014
  12. Candace

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    I'm so sorry to hear all that has happened to you :frowning2: and my condolences are yours (*hug*). I'm here if you need to talk :slight_smile:.
     
    #12 Candace, Aug 16, 2014
  13. PatrickUK

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    I'm so sorry to hear this Rayan. It's a cruel and heartless thing to do and you have every right to feel the way you feel, but don't turn all of this back on yourself and question if you did the right thing. The only question you should be asking is why they did the very wrong thing and hurt you like this.

    Let the tears come and go. Let your feelings ebb and flow, as they will and talk to us. You can be true to yourself and you feelings on here in a way that is often difficult where you are. Stay connected Rayan and know that we care about you.

    (&&&)
     
    #13 PatrickUK, Aug 16, 2014
  14. joshy the queen

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    dear god im really sorry your going with all this T_T its not your fault your family would blame you because they have no one else to blame but your mother age is over i think its not something you can do about if you were straight
    you didnt do anything wrong you were so brave you came out to your family i cant do it myself i know i will be out the moment i do and they will never welcome me again in the house
    im sorry for your lost T-T i hope you are doing well now
     
    #14 joshy the queen, Aug 16, 2014
  15. mbanema

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    That's honestly one of the saddest things I've ever read. I'm so sorry that you're in such a horrible situation -- it's not remotely your fault.
     
    #15 mbanema, Aug 16, 2014
  16. Chiroptera

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    My condolences.
     
    #16 Chiroptera, Aug 16, 2014
  17. TabletopFan

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    Biggest condolences to you and your family pal. (*hug*)
     
    #17 TabletopFan, Aug 17, 2014
  18. tulipinacup

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    That is so awful to hear! I can't really imagine what you are going through but it breaks my heart to know the reason as to why you just knew about your mum's death for a month. I understand that you are blaming yourself for all of this but please know that it's never your fault. My parent's are christians too and the fact that my dad is a pastor in our church makes it even difficult for me to come out to my family so I think it was really courageous of you to be truthful to them.

    I really hope you can recover from all of this but if you ever need someone to talk to, please do.
     
    #18 tulipinacup, Aug 17, 2014
  19. rayan

    rayan Guest

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    Thank you EC members ..... your replies has touched me in so many ways .
    The most thing that hurt me is remembering her last words to me . I was hoping to have a chance in the future to make things up with my family , especially my mother . But life isn't guaranteed for a better future. I know many people would say to cut such a family away . And so many friends had told me to do the same . Being raised in a loving family , rises my hopes that some day we will be back as we were . That our love will come across all of these boundaries about our believes in life .
    My mother had a really difficult times in her life , i remember how she managed to pull herself out of the depression after she got divorced from dad . How she worked hard to give us the best life she can give us . And i somehow feel that i let her down when i told her i was gay . Please understand that i'm not saying that being gay is a wrong thing , neither i am ashamed of my sexuality . I'm just saying , that it was the only thing about me that made my family hate me like forever . I've always been that good boy of the family . And all of a sudden i became something to be ashamed of so much that my family didn't want me to be there in her funeral . They didn't even bother themselves calling me to inform me the sad news.

    My mother's last words to me was " I will never forgive you for choosing that path in life . Someday i'll be smiling , looking at you from heaven while you are burning in fire " That was moths ago when she came to visit me after i had an accident , i thought that she has accepted me and she came for a reunion. Until she told me that she had met a doctor that might be able to help me . This is when we got into a fight that ended with her saying those words to me . I could have dealt with the situation in a much more suitable way . Maybe if i went back with her to see the doctor, they would have convinced that this is not a thing that can be changed. And maybe ,just maybe .. i would have been part of a family again .
    I always used to say that it's their problem they can't accept me for who i am . I's their fault they are feeling angry with me . But it was really my selfishness . As i knew deep inside that such a news will devastate the family , but still i decided to come out . I chose my happiness over the happiness of the family . And now , nothing is the same.

    I'm not that brave at all . They kind of forced me to come out when they forced me to an arranged marriage .Even coming out to friends and colleagues was because my brother outed me in facebook so i had to come out .

    Sorry for making you read all of this but i needed to .
    I haven't got out of my room since yesterday .I think i will have a walk to clear my head and think about some few things .
    Agaun , thank you all for being here (&&&)(&&&)
     
    #19 rayan, Aug 17, 2014
  20. Clay

    Clay
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    Rayan, you shouldn't put any weight on those words. That's a truly horrible thing what she said, and what she did, you have done nothing wrong.
     
    #20 Clay, Aug 17, 2014
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