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My friends can be horrible at times.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BearLover, Aug 22, 2014.

  1. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    I consider them friends, yes they are friends, I have trouble making friends because I'm isolated from most people as I live far away. In a way I kind of have this friend because I have no other friends, he's a good friend at times and then on other occassions he is horrible and controlling.

    He's recently got a girlfriend, he hadn't seen me for two weeks and I've been asking if we could meet up, he said yes and kept on delaying it, he eventually came over last night for the first time in two weeks then just complained at me, I was happy when he came to my place but towards the time he left I felt quite down, he says that my flat is a mess and I agree it's a little bit of a mess, but not too bad, I need to tidy a little bit but it's nothing to get worked up over. He always exaggerates how untidy my place is and says it stinks all the time, when I invited my dad over he said it was fine, there was a slight damp smell but it wasn't really anything to worry about.

    My friend is always trying to change me and control me, he wants me to be like him and wear "normal" clothes just like everyone else, he criticizes me for not having a car or an iPhone, he says I need to find another job which I do as I only just left mine but he says it in a way that just puts me down, he nags me and it's upsetting, yes I'm looking for a job again because I've recently left my place but he makes me feel down about it. He says he's just trying to help and can see that I think he's trying to complain at me but he does it to the extent that I feel down when he leaves, always wanting to change me and is very controlling, because I'm a bodybuilder he told me stop eating so much food in huge quantities and I said that's what bodybuilders eat, he said just enjoy your food and be "normal". He tries to control every small aspect of my life, he lives with his parents and is very spoilt, he's in £7,000 of debt from his car but I don't complain at him 24/7 for this, I just carry on, I want the best for him but I don't nag him, I live and let live.

    Him and his girlfriend came over, started slating me and I went on a downer last night, they're both incredibly stuck up, I just wanted them to go.

    When he's around many people he just has a go at me, starts slating me and feels as if he has to dictate what I should be like. I remember when him and another friend came over they disrespect me because they are around many people, one friend apologized by text after he left because he saw I was getting pissed off, when they are around other people they try to prove something by criticizing me.

    But he can be helpful sometimes, we do enjoy talking when we're alone together and can go out for a meal, those are the most enjoyable times. We do enjoy time together, we go out clubbing together but he's still quite controlling, I don't want to spend £100 on drinks at night but he feels the need to force me to drink, I like to save my money and drink before I go out, he doesn't understand that, it's OK for him because he lives with his parents but I'm in a tougher situation. They felt the need to force me to buy me new clothes before town, I felt so pressured into buying it I just bought it, despite that I have some nice clothes. I want to go to town in a nice italian black coat which is worth about £125, but he says not to and says I'm not going if you're going to wear that, again controlling me. He just wants me to dress like everyone else when I prefer my clothes, he wants me to wear something like chinos and a shirt from river island, plimsoles etc. But that's not what I like, I like very manly clothes.

    He says all this stuff to me as if he's perfect. They came over before and said I should get a girlfriend, it made me feel like a bit of a loser. He said "not that you're going to get a girlfriend any time soon" or something along those lines.

    I think really, he's a friend that I go through many ups and downs with because he's always trying to control and I don't give into him, he gets annoyed because I don't give in, he's a tyrant.

    I like to keep him as a friend because he can be nice sometimes and we do enjoy some times together, usually when we're alone. We go out for meals and I come back feeling good but half the time he just makes me feel like shit, they all do, they all have to control me and tell me what I should do. I tidy up my place and he's still moaning.

    I would like new friends but I think that everyone has their ups and downs, if I move on from him I have nobody, I usually find that most people in real life are idiots, I'm surrounded with people that I don't really like in a way, sometimes they are OK but I'm cynical to people in real life, compare this to online, it seems like most people online are understanding, deep, not controlling, not spoilt, supportive, not egotistical etc. But in real life I see that everyone around me just seems like an idiot, it's not me that's the problem it's them, I can find good people like online but in real life I'm next to cynical.

    I can't move on, there is no point in moving on, I just want some other friends that are supportive unlike %90 of people I know in real life. Hard to find that though. Hard to find someone that will do what I want to do rather than being selfish and controlling.

    I find most of the brits like this, they always try to tell me what to do and it makes you feel shit, they are always pulling you down, work pulled me down, my foster parents that I used to live with pulled me down, friends pull me down etc. Everyone's so stuck up around me, I hate most people. They'd probably tell me to be straight and get married when I don't even want to. Trying to force me to work on shitty jobs that I don't want, I want a career, it's like they all think they know best but they don't, they're so blissfully ignorant and they are so sure of themselves, that they are right and I'm doing wrong.
     
    #1 BearLover, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  2. tulipinacup

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    I see what you mean. I think you need to understand that you have feelings too. I understand how it feels to have limited friends. I'm mostly isolated but because It's my choice to be alone. What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to settle for less. Friends are supposed to encourage and comfort you.

    I think if he spends more time nagging and telling what you should do with your life than actually having a normal hangout then there is something off about your friendship.

    The fact that you mentioned that you want to keep him as a friend because he's nice to you sometimes is another thing. It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship with him and you can't cut it off because,you still enjoy his company..sometimes..

    There are still good people out there. Trust me. Have you considered going to a gay support group? I think meeting with people who you have in common is one way to start a good friendship.
     
  3. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    I'm looking for older friends at the moment, I like to have some young friends so that I can enjoy fun times with them. I have had a few older friends online but we never met, I'm going to be meeting up with one older guy in his 60's sometime soon.

    I find it hard to make friends, In a way I enjoy being alone because I have nobody nagging me but I still need friends that I can go out and do enjoyable things with. Older men are not suited for clubbing.
     
  4. tulipinacup

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    I understand. I think we get lonely too despite enjoying it being alone so it's normal to feel that way. Do you think it's possible to be friends with someone near your area?
     
  5. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    Nope, I live in the worst part of town and don't really want to meet up with anyone around here, maybe if it was a nicer part of town yes. But I find meeting people from online would be a better option, I prefer people online, they just live so far away.

    I have friends in esoteric/occult groups online mostly illuminati groups, they've been the best people I've ever met, much better than general people. I find that usually when someone has the same interests as you, you get on much better, I would love to meet these people, I probably will one day. I doubt they'd be interested in clubs etc.
     
    #5 BearLover, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  6. Kaiser

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    You seem to just want somebody to be a good friend to you, and that is fine. I can understand the becoming attached, even, because we often times get lonely. However, go back and read what I put in bold, and you tell me, is that worth keeping around? You sound miserable -- as I would be!

    You can try and talk to this fellow, and let him know how he makes you feel. But, I have a feeling, he'll just turn the conversation around, or just continue his ways.

    Personally, I'd kick his ass to the curb. The reason people like this do this, is because people just back down and allow it to happen. They get too scared of the person, or of the idea that they'll lose human contact. There are hundreds of reasons, but I can't think of a single one, as to keeping this clown. At least not a sensible one.

    Here's some street wisdom:

    " Anyone who will talk shit about you, in front of an audience,
    will continue to talk shit about you, with an audience.
    "​

    Basically, if he treats you like shit, around others; who knows what he's saying, when you aren't around?

    I'd say, it isn't worth it.
     
  7. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    He said if I were gay then he'd be fine with me coming out, he's fine about people being gay, he's not homophobic at all. But he might have a problem with me liking older men.
     
  8. BearLover

    BearLover Guest

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    I find that even people on here are very really great down to earth people, unlike in real life. People are always better online.