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What is it with parents?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Minnie, Aug 25, 2014.

  1. Minnie

    Regular Member

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    My mum suggested I could try and be sisterly towards my friend after we were talking about his love life (long story I won't go into). I looked obviously annoyed at this and it took her too long to work out why it bothered me - in fact, I had to point it out to her. Whenever I react to her referring to me in a female way, even if it's a more calm way, she overreacts and thinks I'm too sensitive. She knows there are times I think I'm definitely male but there are still some times when I question, but the fact that she's known for a good while now how I feel and is making no effort to acknowledge it in everyday life just makes me think she's being a bad parent. She even said yesterday that until I get surgery she'll see/refer to me as female - what the hell? Does she even think for a second how misgendering someone makes them feel uncomfortable, or that saying something like that just sounds vile?
    The first person in my family to refer to me as "he" (unless they meant someone else or I misheard them) is my gran. She still has the idea that lesbians are very butch and has asked if that's why I dress the way I do, and has been stern somewhat when I said to her I felt trans, but she's been quite accepting of it.
    As for my dad, I feel like I can't talk to him about this stuff. When I have in the past it's like he brushes it off. He's never really acknowledged me about it other than trying to convince me I'm not trans. Yet, his partner has at least one trans friend and loads of gay friends, so you'd think he'd have learned something from her.
    So I don't really know what to do. I think I should be more assertive but I don't want to be made out to be the bad guy. I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings wither but if they're going to get hurt by gender expression there's nothing I can do about it and I'm not at fault.
     
  2. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Sometimes its difficult to get your point or feelings across when just talking face to face with people. I really would reccommend writing your parents a letter detailing everything you would like them to know - that way everything is clear and hopefully they will come around.