I've been working for the same company for the past year. Early on, I learned through the grape-vine that a woman on another floor is, like myself, a lesbian. I thought she was cute, but due to being busy at work, traveling, etc., our conversations were never more than a stairwell "Hey, what's up." However, about three months ago, she moved to my floor and we've become more friendly. In fact, throughout the past month, I'd say things have become flirtatious, but at the same time, I feel like I can't crack her code. Advice, please! For instance, our career / projects are numerical based. On several occasions, she'd need metrics from me and would follow up with, "Is that your phone number you wrote down? Oh, why don't you write your actual number?" Tired of the game, I initiated exchanging numbers, and we've proceeded to have some flirtatious texting conversations which include the topics of: stripping (long story, she's a bartender in the evening) and sex (how many partners we've had, her saying she'd only want one more sexual partner, so she needs to choose wisely, etc). We've also had these conversations in person, and her tone of voice and body language is as if she's trying to get a rise out of me. Like on the another occasion, she completely threw me off by flat out saying, "So, how hot was it the first time you slept with a woman?" "When was the last time you had sex?" In general, I also find that she goes out of her way to be helpful with daily work tasks, come over to my cubical, etc. All of that sounds great, right? Well, here's why I can't crack her code. First off, 99% of this happens at work. Like I said above, she has a second job and probably works 60-70 hours per week. We don't text terribly often (I don't want to be annoying, knowing she is busy with two jobs and tired). But, then a part of me thinks, "Well, because we're only texting once a week, she isn't interested. What's more, she has admitted to me that things are "complicated with an ex, though she's single." I just want some outsider advice on 1.) What, perhaps, is going on. 2.) How I should proceed (ask her to hang out, or not). I am good friends with a gay man at work, and he thinks she and I have "chemistry and a spark," but I don't know if he's just feeding into me to be dramatic (i.e., why I need outsider advice). And another point - I have been offered a job at another company and will be giving my two weeks in mid September. I thought to add this because I know a lot of posters discourage dating in the workplace, which is understandable.
Sounds like she has some baggage. But clearly she wants to get to know you better, at least to have a lesbian friend/coworker to chat with. Ask her to hang out! And then leave the ball in her court as to how to proceed.
Maybe she's just being flirtatious and having a little fun...maybe she thinks she's throwing out obvious signals and is having a hard time reading you, too. You could be the one to initiate a more serious relationship, or at least ask if that's what her goal is. I always think that if you can't quite read someone, the best thing to do is just ask them flat out. It'll be awkward, but at least you'll know for certain.
Could you suggest visiting the bar where she works? Maybe ask when her break is and then see if her demeanor is any different? Although, it does sound like she is interested and maybe you just need to say, "ok, let's go to the zoo on Sunday. I want to see the iguanas."
I agree with a few of the comments above. Do something simple outside of the work place. See how she responds. If you two do end up dating, leaving the work place is very good!! If it goes south quickly, leaving the jobs is even better. I don't think you have much to lose really. Just be cool and take it easy.
