I thought I knew the definition of what a Fuck buddy was, what a friend was, and what a boyfriend was, but then this one guy that I've met has seemingly destroyed my understanding of the aforementioned zones... First time that we met, we did have sex, and it was suppose to be a casual hook up but that quickly deteriorated into daily texting and chatting. He asked me to go on a date with him, but I was hesitant, so I initially declined. I, upon a whim, had a change of heart and agreed to go to the movies with him. We went to the movies, had dinner, and took a walk on the beach. It was nice. By the end of it, he asked me to come up to his apartment, but I said no because I knew that he wanted to have sex. We met up a couple more times, such as one time when I met him before his shift started, and another time we met up spontaneously and had dinner together. He again asked if I wanted to come in. I said no (simply because I had a heavy dinner, wasn't feeling too good). I told him I didn't want to be a F-buddy. So, to be honest, I was under the conception that we were seeing each other, if not, dating, since I always slept over at his place, watched movies with him, and had sex with him. I then finally asked him to clarify what it was that we were doing, and he said that he liked me as a friend. I told him that friends don't kiss and fuck each other, and fuck buddies don't take each other out to dinner and movies. He got angry at this, said that he wasn't ready for relationship at this point. I am clearly skeptical about this, whenever someone says that they aren't ready for a relationship, its usually bullshit for "i dont want a relationship with you". He said however that he liked me, and that he liked spending time with me outside of sex, and that he found me hot and was "physically attracted to me". I am unhappy with this. I haven't really met someone who is physically attracted to me, likes spending time with me, but isn't, as I am sure his specification for physical attraction implies, not emotionally attracted to me. What's going on here guys? Is it really just a case of not being ready for a relationship, or does he like me just as a friend, with the exception of wanting to have sex with me? What is this new "status"? Friends with benefits?? Would like an objective view point with this. I am not really looking for friends with benefits, or to be friends with him specifically. I was looking for either a relationship or an F-buddy. I feel uneasy because I think that I've developed feelings for him, and we all know the typical scenario of "liking my unavailable friend"
I don't know the answer but if you Google "Fuck Buddies vs. Friends with Benefits" you can find some interesting view points. SGG
Ugh, people like him play too much games and they're probably not sure of themselves. Whatever that may be. I'm with you on the "I told him that friends don't kiss and fuck each other, and fuck buddies don't take each other out to dinner and movies". As I see it, I would consider you guys dating. It's hard to say what it is, to be honest. He makes no sense.. Maybe he just likes having someone around? I wouldn't go on with this if he doesn't know what he wants. Because if you've developed feelings then you're just going to get hurt and be filled with confusion even more.
This mainly. You seem pretty sure about what you want and he just doesn't really seem to be on the same page. This is alright and happens quite frequently, but there is a large risk of getting hurt if you keep on this path. If he doesn't know what he wants (could be any number of reasons: wants to fuck around, insecurities about himself, doesn't really like you as more) then it might just be better for you to say forget it and find someone who has goals more in line with yours.
thanks guys, really helpful advice. I do think he likes me, but isn't willing to commit. I might keep him at arms length for now to attempt to suss him out a bit more- it's hard to say what he was really thinking. I feel as if he liked the chase more than the catch because he was really trying hard to catch my attention before when I was being distant... I noticed when I began to give him more attention, he seemed to have gotten bored. @ADXV I agree with you completely- I think he is playing too many games- I really don't like games, and I guess if I were to think about it objectively, I really don't like him much as a person either. Still, I do miss him when we don't talk or text- so I'm unsure why I am feeling this way if I'm not too keen on his personality
Don't settle. It sounds like you're trying to find reasons to stay with him because being with him in this pseudo-relationship seems better than nothing. Be firm in telling what you want and explaining what specifically you don't appreciate he does. Don't let his manipulation get to you.
you're right. he really is manipulative. When I confronted him he made me feel guilty about it... I'm not sure why I am keen on "settling"... I think part of it is insecurity that I won't find someone compatible who wants something more than just sex... But I think you are right. I was texting him as usual today, then he just gave one word answers such as "yep" or "no". I confronted him about this and asked if I was bothering him. He said that he "didn't like texting". This is bullshit because other than the sex before, one of the traits he said he liked about me was how we talked a lot and shared things. If he doesn't like me talking, what's left? Just sex? No... I am not looking for that after my feelings have been played with. I guess I just have to move on.
