1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Not sure what to do about him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Blaze1995, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. Blaze1995

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I apologize for the length of this.

    Me and this guy have been friends for a little over a year. We met my senior year of high school in our choir class. From the first time we ever interacted with each other we've been best friends. He's straight and knows I'm gay and despite knowing this he continues to flirt with me. We refer to our relationship as a flirtationship. All throughout my senior year people thought the two of us were dating including several of our teachers. When I would see him in the halls I would run up and jump in his arms and he would hug me tight and spin me around and we would stay in each others arms for quite awhile.

    When our choir went on a weekend trip me and him were roommates with three other guys and he ended up getting in my bunk and cuddling with me for most of the night (I asked him to get out so I could actually sleep). He's a very muscular rugged guy you look at him and he just screams straight. All this time I didn't have any feelings for him I just thought he was attractive and I liked the way our relationship was. After I graduated high school (he's a year younger) we didn't really talk much until I came back to visit some of my teachers it had been about a month since I had seen him and accidentally kissed him on the cheek. I apologized and he looked at me and said he didn't care and he did the same. After that it became normal for us to kiss the others cheek when we said goodbye. Back in December I went to their choir concert and afterwards Him, his girlfriend and I were hanging out and I jokingly said "You need to stop being so adorable cuz I'm getting very close to actually kissing you." His girlfriend wasn't so ok with that idea but he told her "Its going to happen eventually so get over it" he then pulled me away pushed me up against a wall and kissed me.

    That was the last time I saw him due to his father making him quit school to go live with him 8 hours away from me. It wasn't until he told me he was leaving that I realized that I had feelings for him. We stayed in contact and continued to flirt with each other through text messages. On valentines day I sent him a text saying how much I missed him and how much he meant to me and basically told him I had feelings for him. He responded saying that even though he was straight that was the most amazing thing he had ever read and didn't know what else to say but thank you. We also say we love each other after we finish conversations.

    about three weeks ago I finally got to see him in person after 8 months. We were hanging out in the basement of his moms house while everyone was asleep. We were watching a movie and the minute I sat down on the couch he put his arm around me and pulled me into him so I curled up into his chest and we stayed like that until the end of the movie. Afterwards we started talking about stuff. One of the first things he told me was that him and his girlfriend had broken up and that it felt weird to be single. then it slowly started to get into a lot more deeper conversations about stuff we hadn't told anyone before. We had been quiet for a while so I broke the silence and told him how cute I think he is and he told me that he thought I was a very cute guy myself. He's often said that if he were gay he would be with me or if I got him high enough (which I would never do because I cant stand when people take advantage of others in that state.)

    He's also extremely confusing because sometimes we act like this all flirty and touchy then some days I'll send a flirty text and he will just respond with lol ok.

    I know he is straight and I respect that I would never want to force him to be someone he isn't but I just cant help but feel like there could be something between us. I would love a relationship but I don't think that will happen. I don't really know what to do part of me wants to tell him that my feelings have gotten a lot stronger to the point that he's all I ever think about and that every time I've said I love you I meant I'm in love with you but I don't want to lose the great relationship we have (at least for the worst). Anyone have any tips of what I should do?
     
  2. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    well, I'm just going to say that I knew pretty much from paragraph 1 that at a bare minimum he isn't 100% straight. I don't think many straight guys would even use the word flirtationship, and even if they did they wouldn't enter one with a guy. It's kind of a stereotype, but considering everything else it's just one piece of the puzzle. Straight guys don't kiss their guy friends on the cheeks unless they're french. Straight guys don't want to cuddle with their guy friends. And even gay guys don't generally lead guys on like that unless they have some desire to be in a relationship with them. I think it's time that you suggest to him that you want to take your relationship to the next level. It would be long distance, but I think you have a deep enough connection to make it work.
     
  3. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There has been a lot of upheaval and uncertainty in your friends life with quitting school, moving away and failed relationships with girls. It must be a very confusing and trying time for him and I'm sure he will greatly appreciate the enduring bond between the two of you. I'm certain you mean a lot to him.

    If he has deeper feelings for you, he is certainly not at a point where he is ready to acknowledge them. He would need to work through a lot of different feelings to arrive at that point.. and that means time.

    Because you have no certainty about his feelings towards you (other than a deep friendship) it would, I believe, be a mistake to invest yourself in the idea that he may come round to the idea of taking things further with you. To do so, would deny yourself the possibility of a meaningful relationship with someone who wants the same things as you.